Before I Drown
by HeIsMySalvation
Summary: Bracing one hand against the back wall, he leans over the toilet, pressing a fist against his mouth as he fights against the bile rising in his throat. He can't escape. No matter what he does, he can't escape.
1. Chapter 1

**Muffled sobs echoed wretchedly through the cracked door, crawling across the sharp shaft of light cutting through the dark room. My wide eyes stared at the golden streak painting itself starkly across the floor and up to the bed where I lay curled on my side, covers clutched tightly up to my nose. The sobs didn't belong to me, but my body trembled all the same, shuddering with each new cry.**

 _ **Mommy.**_

 **I lurched when a heavy clump of boots creaked across the wooden floor. The sobs subsided into whimpers. A loud, slurred yell. A pleading apology. The resounding noise of a heavy-handed slap.**

 **I yanked the covers up over my head, trying to hide under the sudden veil of darkness, but even with hands crushed against my ears and pained eyes squeezed shut, there was no escape.**

 **This is my story. I cannot hide from it.**


	2. Chapter 2

Staring up at the darkened ceiling, 16-year-old Sasuke Uchiha shifts his hands behind his head and releases a long, slow breath. The dry night air is especially warm for September, gusting through the open window to stir his dark bangs across his pale cheeks. He's never been able to sleep with the window closed. Even in the dead of winter, when snow Q pounds against the screen and his foster mom begs him not to let the heat out of the house, he still opens it.

But tonight it's distracting him. He can't get to sleep. No matter how hard he tries, his mind still races with thoughts of homework and football and the annoying girl down the street with a crush on him. Anything to keep his mind off of the true reason for his insomnia.

With an annoyed growl, he turns on his side, freezing as the shaft of light beneath the door catches his eye. He glares at it for a long moment, sweat gathering on his bare chest, before flipping the other way and cramming his eyes shut.

But in his mind, it's still there – the light, the door, and the cries behind it.

-O-

"Sasuke!"

The knob turns and hinges creak.

"Sasuke wake up!"

The wall shudders as the door crashes against it.

Sasuke groans as the noise cuts through his precious state of slumber. "Go away," he orders, not even bothering to look at the intruder.

"But Mom wants to know why you're not down for breakfast!"

"Tell her I'm sick."

"Aw, come on!" Sasuke feels the bed lurch as the intruder launches himself onto the end of it. "You know she never falls for that one."

Cracking one lid, Sasuke glares at the sparkling cerulean eyes set under an unruly shock of blonde hair. "Go away, Naruto," he repeats.

Naruto's grin turns pleading. "Dude, you know I can't go downstairs and tell her that I couldn't get you up. She'll kill us both!"

Rolling onto his stomach, Sasuke pulls the pillow over his head. "I don't care."

"Come on, man!" Naruto's voice sounds muffled.

After a few moments, the blonde lets out an exasperated sigh and leaps off the bed. "Well, you asked for it!"

There's a sudden, sharp tug on his ankle and Sasuke is forced to grasp the edge of the bed to keep from being pulled off. "Hey!" he yells, trying unsuccessfully to kick his way free of Naruto's grip.

"You have to get up!" Naruto says, struggling to tame both of Sasuke's fighting legs. "She's gonna come up here!"

With his free hand, Sasuke grabs his pillow and starts to beat Naruto over the head with it. "Let go of me!"

"Boys!" the deceptively-sweet voice carries up the stairs, making both of them freeze. "What's going on up there?"

"Nothing!" Naruto yells, before turning back to Sasuke with a glare. "See I told you you'd get us in trouble," he whispers.

Sasuke frees his legs with one final kick and ends up in a pile on the floor. "Idiot." He glares back as he disentangles himself from the sheets.

-O-

"You look tired, Sasuke," Kushina Uzumaki, a pale, slender woman with a long frizz of red hair, says as she reaches over the bar to set a plate of pancakes in front of him. "Did you sleep okay?"

He shrugs, not meeting her gaze, instead turning his attention to the peanut butter jar next to his plate. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her place her hands on her hips, navy eyes watching him as he smears the thick, creamy spread across his breakfast. He braces himself for more questions, but after a long minute she turns to her son.

"Naruto, would you like some pancakes with your syrup?" she asks dryly.

Sasuke turns a disgusted eye towards Naruto's plate where two pancakes lie under a lake of syrup and butter. Grinning widely, Naruto picks up his fork. "Hey, this is how I like them!"

"Don't I know it," Kushina says, turning away from them to mind her skillet.

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke takes a bite of his own breakfast before he loses his appetite from watching Naruto eat.

"Hey, Mom," Naruto says, his voice muted by the wad of food in his mouth. "Me and Sasuke—"

"Sasuke and I," Kushina corrects, "and don't talk with your mouth full."

It takes a long time for Naruto to finish his bite and swallow. "Sasuke and I were gonna go over to Sakura's house this afternoon after football practice."

Sasuke shoots him a startled look. "We were?"

"Yeah," the other boy says, cutting another piece of his pancake. "Didn't I tell you?"

"No."

"Well she asked us and I said we would!"

"What for?" Sasuke growls, glaring down at his plate. The very thought of having to spend the afternoon in the company of that awkward, starry-eye girl makes him twitch uncomfortably.

"'Cause she asked!"

"She didn't ask me."

"Well I said we would!"

"Sakura's a very nice girl and she's new here," Kushina interjects, pointing her spatula at Sasuke for emphasis. "I think it's nice for you guys to hang out with her."

Sasuke opens his mouth to protest but seeing Kushina's stern look, quickly clamps it shut again. There's no use arguing with her. Ever.

"Fine," he mutters, nudging his plate away as he feels the hunger drain out of him.

Pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, Kushina's sternness melts instantly as she smiles fondly at them. "Good, now you boys better get going or you'll be late."

-O-

"Sasuke! Naruto!"

Sasuke jerks irritably at the sound of his name as both boys turn to watch a skinny girl jog clumsily towards them down the sophomore hallway. Keeping his face carefully blank, the Uchiha surveys the choppy, shoulder-length hair dyed a hideous shade of bubble-gum pink that clashes with her over-sized red sweatshirt and purple running shorts. She stops in front of them and smiling green eyes flit towards Sasuke's dark ones, before quickly glancing towards Naruto.

"Hey, Sakura!" Naruto loops his thumbs through the straps of his backpack as he shoots her a bright smile. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if you guys, um," her eyes flick towards Sasuke again, and then back, "if you still wanted to come over tonight?"

"Sure! We'll be over right after practice!"

The smile in her eyes deepens, her posture straightening as an unseen weight drops from her shoulders. "Great!" Clutching her books to her chest, she bounces on her toes excitedly. "I thought we could order pizza and watch a movie and—"

"Don't go to any trouble," Sasuke interrupts harshly, her enthusiasm needling his tired brain. He shoves his hands in his pockets, feeling only a slight twinge of remorse when her expression sags.

"Oh, I, um, I just thought that'd be fun," she says, her eyes darting towards the floor.

"Yeah, Sasuke," Naruto's usually cheerful voice is tinged with a hard note. "We're gonna have fun."

"I mean, of course, if you don't want to come…" Sakura says quietly, her voice fading off. Sasuke is tempted to roll his eyes at her guilting tactics.

"Nah!" Naruto slaps his friend hard across the back, making Sasuke grunt as his head jolts painfully. "He's just being a sour-puss. We'll come!"

A dampened smile returns to her face. "Well I'll see you guys tonight then!" Eyes carefully avoiding Sasuke, the girl turns and quickly disappears down the crowded school hallway.

"Why you gotta be like that?" Naruto asks, turning towards his locker with mild glare at his friend.

Sasuke glares back. Naruto usually protects him from unwanted crushes. Now he's shoving him into this one, full force. Grunting in frustration, Sasuke turns on his heel and heads towards his next class.

"Hey, wait for me!" Naruto calls.

Sasuke ignores him, but the blonde quickly catches up, his chuckled apologies as he pushes through the crowded hallway grating on Sasuke's nerves.

"Come on, man," Naruto says. "Don't be mad."

"Why are you dragging me into this?" Sasuke demands, clenching his fists angrily inside his pockets. The thought of Sakura's bright eyes grazing over him makes him shudder. He hates the attention he gets from the girls. Hates it!

"I can't let you just sit around and waste your life hating the world!" Naruto insists, winking at a pair of girls who quickly cover their mouths to hide giggles.

Sasuke grits his teeth in annoyance. "I don't hate the world. I just want to be left alone."

"Haven't you had enough of that?" Naruto asks quietly, his voice suddenly turning serious.

The taste of blood fills Sasuke's mouth as the sound of an illusory cry drowns out the heavy chatter of the high-schoolers. His shoulders flex rigidly as he feels the fists in his pockets start to shake.

"I need to go to the bathroom," he says mechanically, abruptly turning down a different hallway.

Naruto doesn't say anything, but Sasuke gets the feeling that his friend is no longer following him. He strides into the bathroom, his glare scaring a wide-eyed freshman, who quickly scurries out without washing his hands. Not bothering to watch him go, Sasuke stalks into one of the stalls and slams the door. Bracing one hand against the back wall, he leans over the toilet, pressing a fist against his mouth as he fights against the bile rising in his throat.

He can't escape. No matter what he does, he can't escape.


	3. Chapter 3

**The apartment was quiet. The sobs had stopped. The light that shone through the door had been turned off. I slowly pulled the covers off of my head, my gaze meeting utter blackness. I could hear my breath resounding hollowly in my ears.**

 **He was gone.**

 **The light turned on again. My chest tightened, the air rushing from my lungs as the bright strip shot across the room through the ajar door. The beam spread wider as the door started to open. I crammed my eyes shut, trying to force my tense body to go limp so that he would think I was asleep.**

 **But it wasn't him. It was her, her bare feet padding softly over to my bed until she perched gently on the edge. I felt a gentle hand lightly stroking through my tangled locks. I could've opened my eyes, but I didn't want to. I knew what I'd see – tears shining through bruised eyes, swollen lips smiling down at me.**

" **It's okay, baby," she whispered. She knew that I was awake. "I'll never let him hurt you. Never."**

 **She was right. She'd never let him hit me.**

 **She was very wrong. He hurt me every day.**


	4. Chapter 4

Yanking off his football helmet, Naruto shakes his head, enjoying the feeling of the cool breeze rummaging through his sweaty hair. Reaching down to swipe his water bottle off the ground, he grins at Sasuke, who's in the process of putting on his own helmet.

"Have fun!" Naruto sings as the coach bellows for the offensive players to line up on the field.

Sasuke simply grunts before jogging off to start the series of drills the defense just finished.

Shooting a stream of water into his mouth, Naruto swishes it around as he surveys the stadium lazily. The blazing autumn sun radiates off the turf in waves, casting a wobbly haze over the field.

"Man, it's hot," Choji, a heavy-set defensive lineman, complains as he plops down on the bench, his pads clacking together under his practice jersey.

Kiba, a lankly defensive back with shaggy hair, shoots a wolfish grin towards the other side of the field. "Not as hot as that piece of work I see over there."

Naruto follows his gaze towards the track where the female cross-country runners are working on sprints. The pack is led by Ino, the cross-country captain and unrivaled queen of their high school. The boys practically drool as they watch her long, tan legs eat up the track, blonde ponytail swaying seductively behind her.

Ignoring the rest of the crude remarks murmured her way, Naruto's eyes graze the runners until he sees a pink head bobbing at the very back. His mouth twitches with amusement. Sakura is no natural runner. Her gait is clumsy – knobby knees banging together as her calves pinwheel out behind her – but she's trying harder than anyone on the team. Her beat-red face is drenched in sweat, her nose scrunched in determination, chest heaving as she pumps her scrawny arms until she practically collapses over the finish line. He watches, a smile tugging at his lips, as she braces her hands on her knees, panting as she slaps her teammates' high fives. For all her awkwardness, she's certainly not unfriendly. He wishes Sasuke would at least give the girl a chance.

The whistle blows and Naruto's attention is drawn back to the field.

"That's it for today boys!" the coach yells. "Remember, no practice tomorrow so I expect you all to hit the gym!"

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," their back-up quarter back, Shikamaru, mutters as he pulls his spikey ponytail out of his helmet, an act which Naruto likens to a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat.

Grabbing Sasuke's water bottle off the bench, Naruto tosses it to his friend, who catches it one-handed. Sasuke quickly pulls his helmet off and squirts half of the bottle in his mouth.

"Come on, we better hurry," Naruto says, chuckling as Sasuke unscrews the cap to dump the rest of the water over his head. "I told Sakura we'd be there by 6:30."

"She's not even home yet," Sasuke growls, casting a glance towards the runners before shaking the water out of his hair.

Naruto quirks an eyebrow at his friend, inwardly amused that Sasuke would even notice. "Well we need to shower and stuff," he says, taking another swig of his own water. "Come on, let's go!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes as he plops down on the turf to take off his cleats. "Fine."

"Hey, Uchiha!"

Naruto staggers as a pair of shoulder pads clacks against his own and their starting quarterback, Kidomaru, brushes past him to stand over Sasuke.

"Pretty good hands today, Uchiha," Kidomaru says, hands hanging on the collar of his pads as he smacks the ever-present wad of gum between his jaws.

Sasuke simply shrugs as he continues to undo his laces.

Naruto glares at the back of the older boy's dark ponytail. "Wha' do you want, Kidomaru?"

"Sheesh, touchy!" Kidomaru says, turning an amused eye on him. "Just being friendly. As the captain, I feel it's my job to encourage the younger players."

"Well spread your encouragement somewhere else." Crossing his arms, Naruto tries to glare him down.

Shrugging, Kidomaru flashes Sasuke a grin. "If you ever want to have some fun without your babysitter hanging around, let me know, Uchiha," he says, before sauntering off.

Huffing in annoyance, Naruto flops down beside Sasuke to start undoing his own laces.

Sasuke quirks an eyebrow at him.

"What?" Naruto mumbles, ripping off one cleat and tossing it towards his bag. "He's a jerk."

Sasuke snorts. "I thought you liked everyone."

"Not a-holes who sell drugs and beat up anyone who doesn't go along with them," Naruto growls. "You know Rock Lee?"

"That weird junior with the huge eyebrows?"

"Yeah. He tried to tell on Kidomaru and his gang last year and wound up in the hospital for a whole month!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "It wasn't a whole month. It was like a day. And you don't even know that it was Kidomaru." Dragging his bag towards him, Sasuke drops his cleats inside and pulls out a pair of flip flops.

Naruto yanks off his second cleat as he continues to glare down Kidomaru who is currently leaning on the fence flirting with some senior girls. The quarterback pays more attention to Sasuke than any other sophomore on the team. Could Sasuke be vulnerable enough to let the older boy rope him in?

"Over my dead body," Naruto mutters.

-O-

"Come on, don't looks so gloomy," Naruto scolds as he rings Sakura's doorbell and hears a cheerful chime echo inside the house.

Looking up from the plate of cookies Kushina forced him to carry, Sasuke gives the blonde a glare. "I'm not looking gloomy. This is just my face."

"Well your face needs to perk up. You look like I'm walking you to your execution!"

"You could say that," Sasuke mutters.

Before Naruto can reply, the door is pulled open to reveal Sakura in a tank top and running shorts, her wet hair dangling loosely above her shoulders.

"Hey guys!" she says, her nervous voice squeaking slightly. "Come on in!"

"Thanks!" Naruto says, bouncing inside as Sasuke follows him glumly. "We brought cookies!"

Giving Sasuke an uncertain smile, Sakura reaches out to take the plate from him. "Thanks. That was really nice of you."

"Wasn't my idea," Sasuke grunts.

Naruto feels like slapping his friend upside the head. "My mom made them!" he chirps, trying to cover for the Uchiha's rudeness. Slipping his shoes off, he starts to wander into the family room, glancing over the new leather furniture and warm, cream walls. "I like your house."

"Thanks," Sakura says, gripping the plate awkwardly with one hand as she waits for Sasuke to untie his shoes. "W-we just moved here you know."

"Where are your parents?"

"My dad's still at work but my mom's—"

As if on cue, an unseen woman calls downstairs. "Sakura, is that your friends?"

"Yeah, Mom!"

A few moments later, the woman appears at the top of the staircase wearing jeans and a t-shirt, her dark curls barely contained behind her head with a clip. "Hello, boys!" she says cheerfully, a red smile painted across her pretty face. "I'm Sakura's mom. I'm working up here but if you need anything just let me know. Sakura, do you still want me to order pizza?"

Sakura looks at Sasuke, who shrugs, and then Naruto, who gives her a thumbs up. "Sure, mom, that'd be great!"

"Good! I'll go ahead and call and it should be here in about half-an-hour. Hope you boys like pepperoni."

Naruto opens his mouth to tell her thanks, but she quickly disappears behind the corner. Instead, he shoots Sakura a grin. "Your mom seems cool."

"Yeah, she is," Sakura replies, her white-knuckled grip on the plate seeming to relax and she returns his smile. "If you guys wannna come downstairs, we can pick out a movie."

"Great!"

Naruto starts to follow Sakura down the staircase, casting a glance over his shoulder to make sure that Sasuke is trailing behind them. The small basement is clearly Sakura's domain. Across from a flat screen TV, the worn couch is covered with a hot-pink blanket and a few stuffed animals. A rainbow of pillows is piled in the corner and running posters are plastered across the walls.

"Hey cool!" Naruto says, appreciating the enthusiasm, even if the artistry isn't quite to his taste.

"I know it's kinda girly," she says, casting a glance at Sasuke, who eyes the décor blandly, "but, not many guys come down here so…"

The three teens stare uncomfortably at each other for a long moment before Naruto breaks the silence. "So, what kind of movies you got?"

"Oh!" Sakura exclaims, as if she's forgotten why they're down there. Setting the cookies on the couch, she waves them over to a small shelf with a couple dozen movies bookended by matching bunny figurines. "I know there aren't that many."

Naruto quickly surveys the short line of titles, carefully masking his disappointment at the rather small collection of cheesy movies. He bites his lip. One glimpse of Sasuke's darkened face tells him that the Uchiha will not cooperate if he is forced to watch one of these, but Sakura's downcast eyes tug at his heart.

Not for the first time, he wishes his best friend wasn't such a selfish jerk.

"We could always run back to our house if you'd like to see something new," he says, "We just bought that one superhero movie that came out last year."

Sakura smiles at him, but he can see the twinge of embarrassment still lingering in her eyes. "Yeah, I never got to see that one."

"Great! Sasuke, why don't you go get it?"

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Sasuke hunches his shoulders grumpily. "Why me?"

"Because you're faster," Naruto says, although it's really because he doesn't want to return to find Sakura crying.

With a grunt of annoyance, Sasuke turns to trudge up the stairs. Naruto watches his friend go, disappointed with the Uchiha's dark mood, but certainly not surprised.

Everything takes time. He knows. He just has to be patient.

"Sorry I don't have many movies," Sakura says, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. "I should've thought of that before I invited you guys over. That was stupid, I guess."

"You're not stupid!" Naruto insists, plopping himself unceremoniously on the couch. "Seems fair that you're supplying the pizza so we bring the movie!"

Sakura eyes him for a long moment before smiling once again. "You're really nice, you know."

Naruto rubs the back of his head awkwardly as he feels the blood rush to his face. "Hey Sasuke's a really nice guy too, you know. You just gotta—" How can he describe making one's way into Sasuke's good graces? "You gotta be patient" is all he can come up with.

"Well, I'd like to be his friend. If he'll let me."

Naruto gives her the broadest grin he's given anyone all day. Although his original plan revolved around bringing Sasuke out of his own little dark world by helping him to do something for someone else, maybe Sakura has more to offer than he thought. Maybe Sakura is someone who can see past the rudeness to the desperate boy underneath.

He only hopes that Sasuke will recognize it, before he alienates the entire planet.


	5. Chapter 5

**My wide eyes stared down at the floor in horror, taking in the dark shards of broken glass and splatters of brown liquid. The cloying scent of beer filled the air as I turned my terrified gaze up to the bloodshot glare in front of me.**

 **The edge of my father's lip lifted in a snarl. "You worthless little—"**

" **I-I'm sure it was an accident," my mother said hastily, brushing past me to clean up the mess I had made.**

 **Ignoring her kneeling form, he kept his eyes trained on me. "You really are useless, aren't you?" the big man growled.**

" **I-I'm sorry," I stuttered.**

 **He scoffed, the rickety kitchen chair creaking beneath his weight as he leaned back and crossed his thick, corded arms. "Sorry doesn't fix anything."**

 **Unable to hold his gaze, I turned my eyes down towards his filthy work boots. Glass clinked as my mother swept it into a pile with a rag.**

" **Sorry doesn't change anything," he growled.**

 **There was a series of loud thumps as glass hit the bottom of the trashcan next to her.**

" **Sorry doesn't teach you anything."**

 **Pushing a lock of long hair behind her ear, she turned back to start wiping up the beer.**

" **But this will."**

 **Suddenly she was laying sprawled out on the floor, a strangled cry escaping her lips as her hand flew to her cheek. My eyes shot up again, watching him clench the hand he'd used to hit her as his menacing figure rose out of the chair.**

" **Mistakes have consequences," he said, drawing back his boot to deliver a kick to my mother's ribs.**

 **Even though I knew he wasn't hitting her as hard as he could have, my mother's pained cry was too much. "Stop!" I screamed.**

 **His bushy eyebrows snapped together. "This is your fault."**

 **Through the blur of tears, I saw his leg draw back for another kick. "Please!"**

 **My mother's body jerked as she curled into a ball. The tears streamed down my face as I fell to my knees.**

 **Leaning over my mother's trembling body, he shoved his face in mine. "What will you do the next time I tell you to bring me a beer?"**

" **I-I won't drop it," I stuttered.**

" **What?"**

" **I won't drop it!"**

 **After a long moment he reached down to grab my mother by her hair and lifted her head towards me. Heavy, wheezing breaths shook in and out of her body. One glazed eye was quickly swelling shut and blood dripped out of one nostril.**

" **This is your fault," he repeated and tossed her head roughly back onto the ground.**


	6. Chapter 6

The scream dies in Sasuke's throat as light floods the room. Panting heavily, he jerks up and whips his head towards the door where a pale, freckled arm has reached in to flick on his desk lamp. Kushina pokes her head inside, lips pursed as she studies him with saddened eyes. Sasuke quickly turns his head away again, watching the breeze gently stir the blinds against his windowsill as he listens to her hesitate before softly closing the door.

Running trembling hands through his spikey hair, he curses foully. Every time Kushina has to wake him from his nightmares there's another long, sad look, another whispered conversation with her husband, Minato, and another mention of the dreaded word – therapy. Sasuke digs his fingers into his scalp, pulling painfully at his roots. No therapist could ever understand what he's been through. They would sit in their comfy chairs, smiling and simpering and murmuring things about "coping strategies" then return to their perfect lives and their perfect families, satisfied that they had saved another poor soul from their own wretchedness.

But nothing can save him.

Dropping his hands into his lap, he stares dully at the clock on his bedside table. 6:14. It's too late to try and go back to sleep. Despite his late night, he has no desire to return to the dark world of dreams. His eyes flit to the sneakers sitting on top of the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. It's Saturday. He has plenty of time for a morning run.

Pulling back the edge of the blind with one finger, he looks over the rooftops of his suburban neighbors to see the clouds on the horizon painted with the vibrant orange of sunrise. Without a second thought, he climbs out of bed, swipes the running shoes out of the corner and heads for the door.

-O-

His heart pounds in his chest, the breath scraping harshly in and out of his lungs as he pushes his burning legs to churn even faster. His eyes narrow on a single point, the tree at the edge of the neighborhood park. That's his finish line. Long strides devouring the pavement, he pumps his arms as he feels the sweat pour down his temples.

Fifty yards…thirty…ten…five…done! He drops his arms loosely, shaking them out as he coasts to a stop. The harsh rock music thrumming away in his hears is quickly replaced by the calming chirp of birds and rush of traffic from the nearby highway as he rips out his headphones and glances down at his watch. He grunts. Not his best time, but not bad either. Placing both hands on his head, he fills his lungs with fresh air as he walks over to the park's water fountain.

A loud curse escapes his mouth as he presses the button and nothing happens. Either the park has turned it off in expectation of a coming frost, or it's just plain broken. Licking his dry lips, he growls in annoyance, kicking at the useless fountain.

"Hey."

Sasuke feels his irritation spike sharply as he turns to find a pink-haired girl, dressed in the same tank top and running shorts from the night before, smiling cheerfully at him. Is she stalking him?

"Do you want some water?" Sakura asks, holding out one of two disposable water bottles.

Eyeing the water, Sasuke struggles to swallow, the chalky taste of morning breath and thick saliva sticking in his throat.

She giggles and tosses one to him. "Here. I always bring extra."

Unsure of how he could give it back and retain his dignity (besides, he _is_ thirsty), he mutters his thanks and breaks the seal on the cap, quickly downing the entire bottle.

"Wow," she says, eyes dancing with amusement, "hard run, huh?"

He simply grunts in reply.

Relapsing into her normally-awkward state, Sakura's gaze turns nervous once again and shoots down towards the ground. "Um, I just wanted to thank you guys for, uh, coming over last night and bringing a movie and stuff."

"Sure," Sasuke says.

The tiny return in the conversation seems to encourage her and she smiles up at him again. "Do you like to end your runs in this park too?"

Sasuke simply shrugs, noticing for the first time the sweat dripping down her red-hued face. At least she has a good reason for being here and he can rule out the crazy stalker theory that was developing in his brain.

"I was just finishing up my core workout," she continues, running fingers through her sweaty hair to brush out a few stray pieces of grass. "I thought I'd get a run in before our bus leaves this morning."

Sasuke recalls the multiple announcements regarding the Saturday cross country meet against their biggest rival and wonders vaguely why Sakura would bother to go running the morning before a meet. Not that he cares.

"Well, see ya," he says curtly, trying to balance the concept of not being a complete a-hole with the sentiment that he would like to be left alone.

"Oh, bye!" she calls after him as he quickly turns to cut through the park and back to the Uzumaki's house. He grits his teeth in annoyance, the cheerful tone grating on his tired nerves.

-O-

"Oh, hey Sasuke!"

Sasuke simply nods at Minato, who is dressed in ripped jeans and a stained t-shirt as he crouches beside the lawnmower in the front yard. The blonde man frowns at it curiously. "Kushina wants me to get this stupid thing working again, but I think it's gonna need new parts."

Wincing at the memory of the horrible grinding sound as Naruto ran the mower over the sprinkler head, Sasuke walks over to the porch and plops down on the steps. The rough cement is pleasantly cold beneath his elbows as he leans back on them.

Still frowning, Minato starts to turn the mower on its side. "Kushina said you and Naruto were over at a friend's house last night."

The word "friend" rubs Sasuke the wrong way. "She's just a girl at our school."

"Sakura, right? I think I met her parents at that neighborhood barbeque last month. They're nice folks." Minato squints at the broken blade, poking at it with interest.

Sasuke doesn't reply. Instead he turns his attention down towards an ant which is crawling across his fingertips, its tiny legs tickling his skin delicately.

"It'd be nice for you boys to have a friend in the neighborhood. She lives right down the street, doesn't she?"

There's that word again. "Yeah."

"Well you guys should invite her over here sometime."

Sasuke shrugs, knowing that he can't tell Minato that he never wants to see that pink-haired creep again for as long as he lives. She's just like every other girl who's ever liked him – and there have been a lot of them – trying to get at him through any means possible, clawing at his last chance of sanity when he barely has one to begin with.

"Sasuke."

The teen looks up to meet Minato's startling blue gaze, the usual gleam replaced by something much more serious.

"Friends are important, you know," he tells the boy, "You can't make it through life without them."

Sasuke returns to watching the ant as it darts towards the web between his fingers and then falls onto the cement again. So Kushina has already told her husband about this morning's nightmare. Everyone's so desperate to fix him, but he can't be fixed.

There's no way out. Why can't they just leave him be?


	7. Chapter 7

"Thanks, Mom!" Sakura calls, giving her mother a final wave through the car window before hefting her duffle bag over one shoulder and sprinting towards the bus idling in front of the school. The large bag bumps heavily against her legs, causing her already-awkward gait to become even more precarious.

Sliding to a stop on the gritty pavement, Sakura looks up to see Coach Iruka quirking an amused eyebrow at her.

"Where's the fire?"

"Sorry, Coach," she apologizes quickly as she clambers into the bus, "I thought I was late."

He gives her a grim smile, the scar across his nose wrinkling wryly. "You are but so is everyone else. We're still waiting for quite a few people. Take a seat."

With a nod, Sakura turns to survey the collection of heads sticking up above the seats and a pair of pale eyes catch her own. Smiling, Sakura starts to maneuver her bag down the aisle past the masses of shouting, laughing boys. Apparently, it's the girls' turn to sit in the back of the bus.

"Hey, Hinata," she says as she plops down in the seat beside her teammate, struggling to maneuver the heavy bag from around her shoulders with one arm.

The pretty, dark-haired girl gives her a sweet smile. "Hey."

"Are you ready for the race?"

"I-I think so." Unlike Sakura's occasional awkward stuttering, Hinata has an actual speech impediment, but years of therapy and practice have made it barely worth noticing.

"This is supposed to be a tough one, right?" Sakura asks, finally managing to stuff the bag under the seat in front of her.

"Well, S-suna is hosting it and th-they beat us in state last year."

"Well I'll be cheering really loud so listen for me at the finish, okay?"

"You don't have to come you know." Both girls turn to see Ino resting her chin on the back of their seat. Giving Sakura a dull look, the blonde shrugs casually. "Most of the JV runners don't come to the varsity meets. Coach won't get mad or anything."

"B-but we want you to come," Hinata tells Sakura quickly.

Sakura shifts uncomfortably, not quite used to Ino's bluntness. Despite her popularity, the girl isn't cruel. She simply says what she means. "I want to," Sakura insists, "I'm part of the team so I want to cheer you guys on."

Ino shrugs again. "Okay, cool. Just didn't want you to waste your Saturday driving all the way out to Suna with us if you didn't want to."

"Hey, Sakura," Tenten, a junior and the second fastest runner on their team, pops her head up beside Ino's. "I heard that you had Naruto and Sasuke over last night."

"Really?" Ino's eyes alight with curiosity.

"Um…" Sakura glances between the two girls, wondering where in the world they would've heard about her measly attempt to make friends. "J-just for a movie night."

"I never thought Sasuke would ever go over to a girl's house like that," Ino says, voice bordering on awe.

Tenten nods emphatically. "Neji told me that Naruto sometimes drags him to football team parties, but I've never heard of him just hanging out with someone."

Picturing Sasuke's scathing look when she had seen him in the hallway yesterday, Sakura winces. "I think Naruto's mom probably made him."

Tenten rolls her eyes. "Figures."

Biting her lip hesitantly, Sakura considers how to phrase her next question. She doesn't want to gossip, but she's curious all the same. "Why does he live with the Uzumakis anyway?" Even without the discrepancy in his last name, it's very evident that Sasuke doesn't truly belong to that light-haired, sunny family.

"Who knows?" Ino says. "I don't think any of them have ever said anything about it."

"Well how long have you guys known them?"

The blonde's eyes shoot towards the ceiling as she considers. "I think about three years. They started at our middle school in seventh grade I think."

"No, it must've been eighth," Tenten says, "I was already in high school by then."

"Well whenever it was, Sasuke's always lived with them since we've known him."

Tenten snorts. "If by 'know' you mean that we've seen him in the hallway and at football games, then yeah."

"But anyway," Ino braces her elbows on top of the seat and leans in closer, her bright blue eyes once again lit with interest, "you've probably talked to him more than almost any girl at this school. So spill! Anything exciting happen?"

"E-exciting?" Sakura asks, tempted to back away from the girl's intense stare. She's starting to get an inkling of why Sasuke seems to be creeped out by girls.

Ino rolls her eyes. "Yeah, like did you get to sit by him or anything?"

"That's not exactly what I'd call exciting," Tenten drawls.

"What? He's the hottest, most mysterious guy in school. Anything's exciting!"

The junior quirks an eyebrow at her seat-mate. "You know your boyfriend's only like two rows away."

Sakura turns to spot Sai's dark head just a couple seats in front of theirs. Half of his deathly pale face is visible as he talks to the boy next to him, his eyes squinting into an unnatural smile as he laughs. Sakura has always wondered how such a strange boy has managed to snag the most popular girl at their school.

Ino waves a dismissive hand at him. "Eh, Sai's not the jealous type. So," she turns her attention back to Sakura, and again Sakura has to repress the urge to back away, "did you get to sit next to him?"

She shakes her head. "No, he was on the floor and Naruto and I were on the couch."

"N-Naruto?" Hinata almost squeaks, her pale eyes distraught.

Sakura hurriedly tries to backtrack, having forgotten Hinata's long-lasting crush on the boisterous blonde. "L-like on opposite ends of the couch," she says hastily, spreading her hands apart so that Hinata gets the idea that they weren't sitting close. "Like, all the way."

Ino sniggers. "Don't worry, Hinata, Sakura's not gonna steal him from you."

The dark-haired girl lowers her lashes. "H-he's not mine."

"Hah," Tenten scoffs, "but you wish he was!"

"Sh!" Hinata quickly shushes her, glancing worriedly around the bus.

Rolling her eyes once again, Ino places a hand on Hinata's shoulder. "Sweetheart, it's the worst-kept secret in the history of this school. Everyone but the idiot himself is perfectly aware of it."

Watching Hinata fidget nervously, Sakura's heart reaches out to the girl. She knows that her own crush isn't very subtle either. She would think that that is what makes Sasuke so rude around her, but since he seems to treat everyone that way, she can't be sure.

Either way, Sakura knows the look of someone who's haunted by their past. Especially this morning, when she ran into him in the park, Sasuke's eyes seemed to look through this world, into one that he hasn't fully left behind. When she'd first invited the boys over, she was simply trying to make a couple new friends. Naruto and Sasuke had seemed appealing because they were neighbors and who could blame her for trying to get to know a guy she was attracted to?

But last night showed her that Sasuke is far to lost for her to saddle him with some petty crush. He's drowning and he needs someone to pull him out. Sakura knows she's not strong enough to be that person, but maybe she's meant to help. Someone did it for her once. If she never returns the favor, what was truly the point?

-O-

"Hey, Mom!" Sakura calls as she opens the front door and drops her duffle bag in the entryway.

Her mother's head peers around the corner, brows knitted in confusion. "Hey, I thought you were going to call me when you needed to be picked up."

"Hinata's family gave me a ride since it was on their way." Kicking off her shoes, Sakura tosses them on top of her bag before yanking off her socks.

"Oh, well that was nice of them. How was the meet?" Her mother's head disappears around the corner again.

"Great! We won! Is Dad home?" Sakura asks, wadding her socks up into a ball and dropping them next to her shoes before following her mom into the kitchen.

"He's in the backyard, starting up the grill. I hope you're hungry."

"Yeah, it was a long bus ride. What are we having?"

"Hamburgers."

Sakura rounds the corner to find her mom laying out frozen hamburger patties on a tray. With a tired sigh, she pulls the headband off her head and shakes her short locks, enjoying the cool feeling of release.

Her mother shakes her head at her, giving the vibrant pink a melancholy look. "Sakura, when are you gonna let your natural hair grow back again?"

Sakura laughs, fully aware of her mother's disapproval of her latest hair color, but even though she knows it's not especially fashionable, Sakura can't help the warm feeling of boldness it gives her. "I don't know. Maybe next summer."

"You better if you want to get a job."

"There are plenty of fast-food workers with weird hair."

"You want to work in fast-food? What about nannying or something?"

"But most fast-food places will take on summer workers. Parents want nannies for the school year too."

Her mother sighs, relinquishing the debate, although Sakura is perfectly aware that the discussion will continue later. "Well, take these burgers out to your dad. He's probably waiting for them."

Taking the pan of patties from her mother, Sakura balances it awkwardly across her slightly-crooked left arm.

"Tell your dad that you can flip them for him," her mother calls drolly after her as she heads out the sliding door, "it'll be good practice for you."

Sakura rolls her eyes and steps out onto the patio, smiling when she sees her father's muscular frame bent over the grill with a lighter. "Not lit yet?"

"Not yet. I can't get the propane to work." He turns to her, rubbing a hand across his neatly-trimmed beard as he frowns at the hamburgers. "Are those ready to go on already?"

"Yeah, but I don't think Mom's in a hurry." Sakura places the tray on the patio table before hopping on top of it herself. "How was your day?"

"Oh, fine," he says, motioning to a pile of fresh dirt in the yard, "I was trying to get my vegetable beds dug out for next spring."

"I can help tomorrow if you want."

"I'd appreciate it. I'd rather not wait until it frosts over."

Sakura swings her legs happily back and forth as she and her father continue to chat about their days, perfectly content with the world and everything in it.


	8. Chapter 8

**I felt small beneath the heavy gaze of the stone angel that loomed atop the entrance to the cathedral. Clutching my mother's hand tighter, I quickened my pace, my short legs pumping up the steps as fast as they could. When we entered the large wooden door, my head snapped up, as it always did, towards the giant alter which dominated the front half of the church.**

 **My mother dropped my hand and I quickly copied her motions, kneeling clumsily beside her to cross myself then struggling to my feet once again. Although most of her face was hidden behind thick sunglasses and a head scarf, I could see the serenity quickly smooth the troubled lines from her face.**

 **With a gentle smile, she took my hand again and led me across the church to the large, dark wooden box that I knew was waiting in the shadows. There were murmured voices behind the curtains. My mother stopped me and we waited until a man in a blue suit emerged, the dark eyes pressed into his sallow face studiously avoiding us.**

 **Another man with a priest's collar stuck his head out of the curtain on the other side of the booth, his heavy wrinkles scrunching into a smile. "Come in, my child," he said to my mother.**

" **Wait for me here," she told me and I obediently backed against a column as I watched her brush aside the curtain and disappear. More soft murmurs, this time those of my mother. Her words were too quiet for me to hear, but I could hear them break. She paused multiple times. Sometimes the priest spoke, other times there was only the sound of her shuddering breath. Finally, she stepped out of the booth, eyes still hidden behind the glasses, her complexion blotchy and red.**

 **The priest once again stuck his head out of the booth. "Do you wish to confess?" he asked, his smile directed at me this time.**

 **I stared at the large, dark box with its heavy curtains. Why would I want to go into that box that made my mother cry? But she gave me a watery smile and nodded, so I forced my trembling legs to move. She held aside the curtain for me and behind it, I could see a small wooden bench.**

" **I'll be right outside, baby," she told me and so in I went.**

 **Inside was cloying and musty, begging for a breath of fresh air to sweep through and clear the dust. The only light came from the latticing on top, through which I could see one of the high cathedral windows.**

" **Sit down, my child," the priest said, his aged voice rich and deep through the screen between our compartments. I wondered why he called me that. I wasn't his child.**

 **Obediently, I took a seat, swinging my legs back and forth so that my heels bumped hollowly against the bottom of the bench.**

" **Have you ever been to confession?" he asked.**

" **What's confession?"**

 **He chuckled. "I guess not. During confession, you tell me your sins so that they may be forgiven. Start by making the sign of the cross…"**

 **I did so.**

"… **then saying 'bless me Father, for I have sinned.'"**

" **Bless me Father, for I have sinned." Who was this Father? Surely not my own father. I didn't want any blessings from him.**

" **Now tell me your sins."**

" **How do I know I've sinned?"**

" **Haven't you done something wrong lately? Have you lied to your parents or taken something you shouldn't have?"**

 **My mind turned to my father's snarl as he grasped my mother's hair.** _ **This is your fault.**_

" **I broke a bottle," I told him.**

" **Well, that's not so very bad. Were you sorry?"**

 **I thought of my mother's cries of pain, the blood dripping from her nose, her dazed look as she stared down at the floor with unseeing eyes.**

" **Yes. I was sorry."**

" **It's right to be sorry when you make a mistake. Did you say you were sorry?"**

" **Yes."** _ **Sorry doesn't fix anything. Sorry doesn't change anything. Sorry doesn't teach you anything.**_

" **Good. Is there anything else you'd like to confess?"**

 **Pursing my lips, I considered for a moment, watching the dust drift idly in the ray of sun piercing through the top of the box.**

" **Is hate a sin?" I asked finally.**

" **Most definitely. Hating someone is like murdering them in your heart."**

 **I squared my shoulders, lifting my head confidently since I knew what to say this time. "Then bless me Father, for I have sinned. I hate my dad. I've murdered him in my heart."**


	9. Chapter 9

"Sasuke!"

The Uchiha staggers against his locker as Naruto practically tackles him from behind. Some of the nearby students' chatter melds into laughter, making Sasuke growl in annoyance. He glares at the heavy arm thrown over his shoulder, grimacing as the rancid garlic on his friend's breath drifts past his sensitive nose. "Dude, gross. What'd you have for lunch?"

Still hanging on Sasuke's shoulders, Naruto breathes into his palm to smell his breath. "Same thing you did. Leftover pasta."

"Well chew some gum or something before you start breathing in my face!"

Naruto rolls his eyes. "Man, whatever. Anyway, I was just gonna tell you that I invited Sakura over tomorrow night."

Shrugging his friend's arm off, Sasuke whirls to face him. "You what?!"

"I invited Sakura over," Naruto says casually as he opens his own locker. "Since we have a game tonight, I figured Saturday would be better."

"But why?"

Sticking his head inside, Naruto begins to shuffle through the locker's various piles of paper and trash. "Well, she had us over last week so it's only fair."

Rage courses through Sasuke's veins at his friend's stupidity. Going over to someone else's house was bad enough but now Naruto is inviting her over to invade Sasuke's own personal space.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Sasuke growls, rigid fists balling at his sides.

Naruto yelps as he bangs his head on the locker door. "Doing what?" he asks, rubbing his scalp with a wince.

Sasuke opens his mouth to reply, but it simply hangs there as the words catch in his throat. How can he explain to Naruto that the Uzumaki's house feels like his only refuge? That it's the only place he can fall apart and have time to pick up the pieces again? That Naruto is opening that place up to a ridiculous, awkward, fawning girl who doesn't even have the sense to realize that, outside of her tiny perfect, pink bubble, the world is a horrible, painful place?

The thoughts race through his head, but as he stares back at Naruto's innocently-wide blue eyes, he can't put them into words.

Clamping his jaw shut again, Sasuke stuffs his hands in his pockets and glares down at his shoes. "I don't have to be there, you know," he mumbles, scuffing his toe idly against the floor.

Sasuke braces himself for an onslaught of indignation, but instead he looks up to find Naruto simply watching him, a disgusting amount of understanding radiating from his childish face.

"Well she's coming over anyway," Naruto says finally, closing his locker door and turning to head down the hall.

-O-

Draped across the couch, Sasuke stares dully at the muted TV, his lids drooping lazily as he starts to drift off into a much-needed nap. After the brutal game last night, he feels bruised from head to toe and he hasn't exactly been sleeping well either. The afternoon sun creeps slowly across the end of the couch, warming his legs pleasantly. His eyes lull shut, the warm cast of sunshine dancing gently behind his lids, but the tranquility is broken by a loud yell reverberating through the house.

"Hey, Mom! When's dinner? Sakura said she'd be here at five!"

Sasuke's eyes snap open. His exhausted brain had forgotten about the pink-haired girl's eminent arrival.

"Sh!" Kushina shushes her son as Sasuke hears him bounce down the stairs. "Sasuke's trying to nap."

"Sasuke's still here?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't he be?" The confusion in Kushina's voice is evident.

"He said he wouldn't be."

"Why not?"

"Because Sakura's coming over."

Kushina's long sigh makes Sasuke shift uncomfortably. "Well dinner will be ready by 5:30."

"Thanks, Mom!"

Sasuke glances at the clock on the bookshelf set into the wall. 4:45. He needs to leave now if he doesn't want to run into Sakura.

Swinging his legs off the couch, Sasuke glances over its back to see Kushina in the kitchen, her back to him as she peels vegetables at the sink. Maybe he can sneak out without being noticed. He stands and starts to creep over towards the stairs to grab his gym bag from his room.

"Hey, Sasuke, you're up!"

Sasuke winces. He forgot that Naruto was still down here. Shooting a glare towards the blonde who has his elbows braced on the kitchen counter as he types away at his phone, Sasuke simply grunts in reply.

"You probably woke him up," Kushina chides her son, before smiling at Sasuke. "Dinner will be in about 45 minutes."

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Sasuke quickly avoids her gaze. "I won't be here."

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Kushina's face fall as her knife pauses above an onion. "You won't?"

Sasuke rocks uncomfortably back and forth on his heels. "I'm going to the gym."

She sighs. "Sasuke, you had a tough week, a game last night, and you ran this morning. You do not need to go to the gym." A softer, more pleading smile graces her lips. "Stay here with us. Have dinner. Hang out with your friend."

"She's not my friend," Sasuke mumbles.

"She could be if you wouldn't be such an a-hole," Naruto mutters back, glaring darkly at his phone.

Kushina shoots her son a disapproving look, but doesn't contradict him. "It takes effort to make friends, Sasuke. You just need to spend some more time with her."

Takes effort for who? Not for Naruto apparently. He seems to instantly warm to whoever he meets. But Sasuke's different. He can't make these petty "friends" and he doesn't need them. He will always be different.

Besides, even if he wanted to make friends, this girl would not be on his list.

"I'm going to the gym," he repeats quietly.

Pursing her lips, Kushina studies him, knife hanging forgotten at her side. Sasuke's eyes shift to the window next to her, studiously avoiding her gaze. He's sure that she's thinking of the three nights this week when she had to come into his room and turn on the light.

Finally, she turns back to her vegetables. "We'll save you some dinner."

Sasuke sees a muscle twitch in Naruto's jaw as his friend keeps his eyes trained on his phone. Without another word, Sasuke turns and heads up the stairs.

-O-

"What's up, Uchiha?"

Kidomaru's smirk suddenly appears above Sasuke, almost startling him into dropping the bar on his face half way through his bench press.

With a grunt of exertion, Sasuke quickly re-racks the weight. "You're not supposed to talk to people when they're lifting," he mutters, sitting up.

Kidomaru shrugs taking a swig from his blender bottle before smacking his gum loudly. "Just wanted to tell you that you made some great catches at last night's game."

"Thanks." Trying to signal the end of the conversation, Sasuke stands and starts to unload the plates from the bar. Even though there's only a 45 on each side, his arms are trembling and he can already feel the ache in his pecks. This is going to be a long night.

"You know, Uchiha," Kidomaru says, crossing his arms, clearly not taking the hint, "you've been playing great, but you seem to be losing focus lately."

"As long as I play fine, why should you care?"

The senior shrugs again. "Hey, I'm the captain. I care about all my players."

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke resists the urge to call him on his load of crap.

Bracing one foot on top of the bench, Kidomaru leans in to rest his arms on top of his thigh. "Anyway," he says, his voice lowered, "just between you and me, if you ever need something for stress, I can definitely set you up. I've got connections."

"No, thanks." Finished unloading the plates, Sasuke starts to wipe down the bar, studiously avoiding eye contact. Kidomaru's "connections" go far deeper than Naruto knows. If the rumors are to be believed, the quarterback is in with one of the most dangerous gangs in the city, the kind which could turn a small drug dealing business very lethal, very quickly.

"Well, just think about it." Kidomaru steps back as Sasuke starts to wipe down the bench as well. "Offer's always open."

Swiping his water bottle off the floor, Sasuke heads off towards the squat rack.

-O-

The nights are finally starting to turn chilly and Sasuke shivers as a cool breeze picks at the bare fabric of his t-shirt. In his hurry to leave the house, he completely forgot to grab a sweatshirt. Hands stuffed inside his armpits, gym bag bumping rhythmically against the back of his legs, he struggles to force his trembling muscles into a numb jog. His stomach gurgles uncomfortably at the thought of a plate piled high with Kushina's cooking, shrouded in saran wrap, his name and a smiley face emblazoned across the top in sharpie.

Eyeing the Uzumaki's driveway bathed in a warm light from the porch, Sasuke does the math in his head once again. It's almost ten. Sakura would've arrived at five. They would've eaten at 5:30, finished around six, started their movie by 6:30, finished that around 8:30, about an hour for pleasantries and she should be gone by 9:30. Even if she wanted to stick around and catch a glimpse of him, it would be difficult for the awkward girl to keep up the socialization for that long. He should be safe.

Sasuke pulls up at the steps, wincing as his taught muscles protest the short climb, and pushes open the door to be greeted by the soft sounds of the TV. Of course Naruto's still up. Sasuke steps inside and instantly freezes at the sight of not one but two heads peeking over the couch, blonde on one end, that horrifying shade of pink on the other.

Both heads turn and Sasuke is greeted with a broad grin and a hesitant smile. He contemplates simply turning around and walking right back out the door.

"Hey, man!" Naruto says, pressing the pause button on the TV just as a cliché, animated monster tilts it's head back to let out a roar. "You were gone a long time!"

With a grunt, Sasuke closes the door, drops his bag and heads for the kitchen. They can't stop him from just grabbing his dinner and heading upstairs, but he can almost feel those pitiful green eyes boring into the back of his skull.

"We're having a marathon!" Naruto continues. "You should come watch with us!"

Sasuke wonders vaguely if Sakura is actually into this childish crap or if she let Naruto talk her into it. Probably sucking up to his friend to get to him.

"Sasuke, is that you?" a gravelly voice calls.

As he opens the fridge, Sasuke glances towards the stairs to find a half-awake Minato padding down in his pajamas. Rubbing one eye, the man glances over at the two teens on the couch. "Naruto, isn't it getting kind of late?"

Naruto's eyes flick towards the clock, and then sheepishly over at Sakura. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The girl quickly scrambles off the couch. "I didn't realize I-I had stayed so long."

Finding the expected plate of food, Sasuke quickly removes the saran wrap and pops it in the microwave.

"You're not bothering us," Minato assures her. "I just wouldn't want your parents to worry. Why don't you boys walk her home?"

Sasuke turns a frigid eye towards Minato, who looks back at him just as sternly. Sasuke opens his mouth to protest but is quickly cut off by Sakura.

"Th-That's okay, Mr. Uzumaki. I'm sure they're tired." The girl is already busy cramming her feet into a pair of old running shoes. "I-I'll be fine."

"I'll walk you home," Naruto says, vaulting over the back of the couch and heading to the door to slip on a pair of sandals. "Besides, then you can tell me what you think of the newest power the Dark Lord discovered—"

"Sh!" Sakura gives Naruto a much sterner look than Sasuke would've thought she had in her. Her eyes skip over towards him. "Sasuke hasn't seen it yet."

"I don't watch that crap," Sasuke mutters, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter as he glares down the slowly ticking seconds on the microwave.

"He's too mature for it," Naruto says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Whatever."

"Oh."

Sasuke rolls his eyes at the downcast tone in Sakura's voice, wondering if she'll try and quickly backtrack on her words in order to gain his approval.

To his surprise, she doesn't.

"Thanks for having me over Mr. Uzumaki." She waves awkwardly and he smiles back.

"Anytime, Sakura. Naruto, make sure to lock the door."

"Sure," Naruto agrees as he opens the door for Sakura then follows her outside. "See ya!"

The door shuts and the only sound left is the hum of the microwave. Sasuke hugs his arms even tighter as he feels Minato's gaze on him.

"How was the gym?"

"Fine." Sasuke's mind wanders towards his short conversation with Kidomaru and what Naruto said about the quarterback selling drugs behind the school. For some reason, Sasuke feels a burning desire rising in his chest to say something, anything, to Minato but he keeps his mouth shut.

"That's good. Well, goodnight."

Sasuke doesn't reply as he hears Minato's footsteps retreat up the stairs. Finally the microwave beeps and Sasuke snatches his food out.


	10. Chapter 10

"Thanks for walking me home," Sakura says, hugging herself tightly as she and Naruto stroll down the sidewalk.

Feeling the chilly night air raise goosebumps on his bare arms, Naruto shoves his hands in his pockets and grins at her. "No problem. Glad you could come over!"

"I had fun." She smiles back at him, but the smile quickly starts to waver and then disappears completely as her eyes slide towards the ground. "I wish Sasuke would've hung out with us though."

Puffing his cheeks out, Naruto releases a long breath, watching the condensation flurry out of his mouth and away into the night. "Me too."

They walk in silence for a long moment, their shadows panning across the sidewalk as they stroll past the lit driveways of their neighbors. Giving the girl a sidelong glance, Naruto watches her worry the edge of her lip as she dips her chin into the collar of her sweatshirt. Long lashes curl over her startling green eyes and the blush of cold has dusted her pale cheeks. Studying her closely, he notices that her nose is slightly crooked. The more time he spends with her, the more he realizes that there's more too her than he originally gave her credit for.

Naruto starts to feel a sudden twinge of guilt at practically dragging this sweet girl into Sasuke's destructive path.

"Do you think I annoy him too much?" Sakura asks, breaking the silence.

"Sasuke?" Naruto snorts. "I think everyone annoys him to a certain extent."

"But…I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to be his friend, but I don't want to push him too hard."

Naruto frowns down at the tips of his reddened toes peeking out of his sandals. Their chilled ache is starting to fade to numbness. "It's not that so much, as…"

"So much as what?"

The twinge starts to dig deeper, evolving from guilt into regret. "It's just not a big deal if you don't want to be friends with him is all. He's kind of a jerk sometimes."

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches her continue to nibble the edge of her lip as her eyes sink towards the ground. "I-I'm doing a bad job, aren't I?" she asks softly.

"No, no that's not what I meant." Pulling to a halt beneath the leaves of an overgrown sweetgum tree, Naruto waves his hand to try and emphasize his protest, "it's just that, well…" he scratches the back of his head awkwardly, "I just think I might've started this thing kinda selfishly, you know? I wanted to try and pull Sasuke out of himself by getting him to focus on others, but I didn't really think about how that might affect you. Maybe it's better if you don't get involved."

Naruto feels his heart sink as she starts to fumble with her sleeves, refusing to meet his gaze. Great. Now he's hurt her feelings. "It's got nothing to do with you," he rambles on, hurriedly, "you're super nice and I hope we can still hang out. I just don't want you to feel, well, obligated, because, well, you're really nice and…" The words die in his throat, as he continues to watch her fidget. A dog barks on the other side of the street and a cold breeze brushes through the flaming leaves of a neighbor's maple tree. Naruto wonders desperately what he should do if she starts crying.

After what feels like an eternity, Sakura takes a deep breath. Naruto winces in preparation for an onslaught of tears.

"I'd like to try," she says quietly.

Surprised into silence, Naruto simply waits for her to continue.

Sakura clears her throat, lightly. "I-I don't think Sasuke's mean. I think he's just lost. I-I can't pretend to know what he's going through, but I know that when you're in a dark place, you need friends who can pull you out." Her thin shoulders shrug beneath her oversized hoodie. "I guess I'd like to help. I don't know if there's anything I can do, but I'd like to." Her green eyes flick up towards his then away again. "Look, if you think I should just leave him alone, that he'd be better off without me bothering him, then I will. You're his friend so you should know what's best for him."

Naruto feels a tightness in his chest release as he chuckles humorlessly. "Do I know what's best for him? My parents are so careful with him. They try not to force him too much because they're afraid of pushing him too hard." He shrugs. "I don't know. I think maybe he needs to be pushed sometimes."

Sakura sighs. "So, what do you think I should do?"

Pursing his lips, Naruto tilts his head back to stare up at the sky and his eyes immediately land on the only constellation he's ever been able to identify – Orion's Belt. It stands out, clear and crisp, against the heavy sheet of darkness.

After a long minute, he shakes his head. "You know what, I honestly don't think you could make him any worse than he is right now. If you're willing to go for it…" He blows out a long slow breath. "I know we haven't been friends for long, but—"

"Friends?" she interrupts, her eyebrows raising in shock.

"Y-yeah," he replies hesitantly, afraid that he may have assumed too much too quickly. "Aren't we friends?"

His apprehension melts as her rosy mouth spreads into a broad smile. "Yeah! O-of course!"

He grins, sweeping a hand self-consciously through his messy locks. "Good! For a minute there I thought you might say that we weren't."

"Oh, no no no!" She protests, flapping the long sleeves engulfing her hands. "I just didn't know that you thought we were friends. I-I haven't had many before and I'm kinda weird so a lot of people don't wanna…well..."

"Well they're idiots," Naruto announces quickly, irritated at the nitwits who've passed up her friendship.

Pressing her sleeves to her mouth, she stares at him with wide eyes for a moment before laughing softly. "Thanks."

Chuckling lightly, Naruto starts down the sidewalk again. "Anyway," he says, "if you do want to be Sasuke's friend, just be warned that it'll never be sunshine and rainbows. He's always been kind of an a-hole. Even before—" Naruto quickly clamps his jaw shut before his mouth runs away with him.

"I-it's fine," Sakura says quietly as she falls in step beside him. "I don't need to know."

Naruto feels a smile start to tug at his lips. As they start to pass the next house, he grins and points out the skeleton sitting on the porch dressed in a coconut bra and grass skirt. "Hey look at that."

Sakura groans dramatically. "Halloween decorations already? It's not even October!"

Naruto laughs, his heart fluttering lightly as he realizes that he's no longer alone in his fight for his friend.


	11. Chapter 11

" **I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry," my mother rambled as she zipped up my jacket, her trembling fingers fumbling with the zipper. "I'm so sorry. I never should've let him touch you. I'm so so sorry."**

 **I watched her with one good eye as unbidden tears oozed from the one that was swollen shut. The entire side of my face throbbed and my ear was ringing.**

 **My mother's eyes darted up to my face and quickly started to fill with tears. "Oh, baby." She brushed my bangs back behind my ear before clearing her throat and straightening again. "We won't take anything with us," she said, grabbing her own coat off of its hook. "That way he won't come after us."**

 **I watched her shrug into the worn piece of clothing and flip her hair out from under its collar. She smiled at me, a strained smile that didn't mask the fear shining in her eyes. "He shouldn't be back for a few hours. He won't even know we've gone."**

 **Looking around our shabby kitchen one last time, she took my hand and started to lead me towards the door. "We can spend the night at the church. If he does come looking for us, they'll keep us safe. He won't be able to—"**

 **We both froze as the cracked front door suddenly flew open and slammed into the drywall. My single working eye widened, taking in the burly form of my father filling our narrow doorframe.**

 **His face darkened into a ferocious glare. "Going somewhere?"**


	12. Chapter 12

Air suddenly fills Sasuke's starving lungs in a choking whoosh as he bolts upright. Gasping for breath, he stares dazed around the familiar room. Beyond the end of the couch, afternoon sunlight filters through the wooden blinds, illuminating the swirls of dust dancing gently over the carpet.

"Sasuke?"

Still panting, Sasuke looks over the back of the couch to where Kushina is watching him from the kitchen. Her greased hand is frozen in mid-air, a ball of dough resting limply in her palm.

Tearing his eyes away from her worried gaze, he shuffles a hand through his hair. "I-It's nothing. I'm fine."

He can feel her still watching him, but finally her hands begin to move, placing the ball of dough beside others on a pan. Laying back on the couch once again, he listens to her work as he struggles to regain control of himself. The muted sounds of her slapping and forming the dough echo across the family room as Sasuke rests one arm over his eyes and tries to take deep, cleansing breaths. A dream. That's all it was. Another nightmare. He's safe. Everyone's safe. He can relax.

After a few minutes, Sasuke hears Kushina open the oven and place the pan inside. The door closes. The sink turns on and off again, then her footsteps pad over towards the stairs and head up. Sasuke peeks over the edge of the couch again to watch her disappear. He should go up to his room before she comes down again. He can pull himself together there.

Swinging his legs over onto the floor, Sasuke stands quietly, casting a careful eye around the empty house before creeping quietly over to the stairs. His bare toes sink into the plush carpet, absorbing his footsteps as he starts to climb. By the time he reaches the top, he can hear Kushina's muffled voice from behind the closed door of Minato's office.

"He's getting worse."

Sasuke freezes. He can see her shadow blocking the gentle film of natural light that peeks under the doorway.

"I had to wake him up three times this week and who knows how many nightmares he has that I don't hear!"

Sasuke hears Minato's office chair creak as the man sighs. "But I don't know what we can do. We've tried to take him to counselling and he's either flat out refused, or just sat there and not said anything."

"Could you at least talk to him about it again?" Kushina asks, her voice pleading.

"And if he says 'no,' do you want to make him go?"

"Should we? I don't know what else to do at this point!"

"I'm just worried that if we push him too hard, he'll shut down completely."

"I know, but we can't let this go on."

"Is counselling the right move though?"

"I don't know!" Sasuke winces as her voice breaks. "I don't know. I'm just…I'm so worried about him."

There's another creak and Minato's shadow appears next to Kushina's. "I know, honey."

Sasuke darts across the hallway to his room. Closing the door softly, he presses his back against it, feeling his heart drop into his stomach as tears sting the backs of his eyes.

His minds shifts back to when he first came to live with the Uzumakis. In less than a year, Minato had switched jobs and the entire family had packed up and moved across the state, sincere smiles lighting their faces as they told him how excited they were to start over.

They never told him it was for him, but he knew.

And now he's hurting them, and he doesn't know how to stop. He can never escape. He's trapped in his past and now he's dragging them along with him.

 _If you ever need something for stress, I can definitely set you up._

Kidomaru's words come back to him in a flash. His trembling hands curl into fists. Maybe he can escape. Maybe he doesn't have to take them down.

-O-

"Sasuke?"

The teen looks up from fiddling with his eggs to meet Kushina's worried gaze.

"Are you sure you should go to school today? You look so tired."

"Yeah, man," Naruto agrees around a mouthful of bacon. "You're out of it."

"I'm fine," Sasuke mutters, turning his attention back down to his breakfast. Even though he knows he should be hungry, he can't eat. Pain hammers steadily behind his eyes and his stomach feels like a wooden block.

"Dude, what about practice? Coach says that today's a conditioning day." Naruto scrunches his face in disgust as if the word "conditioning" leaves a foul taste in his mouth.

"I'm fine," Sasuke repeats, looking up to see Kushina watching him with a steady frown. He braces himself for a well-versed lecture about taking care of himself and is surprised when she simply turns away to crack more eggs.

After a few minutes of nothing but Naruto's steady chewing and the sound of a fork clinking against a bowl as Kushina whips the eggs, Minato jogs down the stairs, breaking the quiet with a cheerful "good morning."

"Aren't you going to be late?" Kushina asks as her husband gives her a quick peck on the cheek before serving himself the last of the eggs.

"Probably," he replies, not bothering to sit as he shovels his breakfast into his mouth. "Had trouble getting up this morning."

"I told you that if you would put the alarm clock across the room on the dresser, you wouldn't hit the snooze button a million times."

"And as always, you're right, dear."

"But you're still not going to do it."

"I like the snooze button."

Kushina simply rolls her eyes. "Boys, you better get up stairs and brush your teeth."

"Sure, mom!" Naruto calls cheerfully, shoving one last piece of bacon in his mouth before hopping off his bar stool and heading for the stairs.

Sasuke eases himself off much more slowly, noting Kushina's woeful glance at his still-full plate. "Sasuke, do you want me to send you an extra sandwich in case you get hungry later?"

Nodding his head dully (he can always give the sandwich to Naruto), he shoves his hands in his pockets and follows the blonde. By the time Sasuke reaches their bathroom, Naruto is already wiping his mouth on the hand towel.

"Shoot! I forgot to do the last problem on my math. Wait for me, wouldja?" Not bothering to wait for a reply, Naruto sprints out of the bathroom, knocking Sasuke's shoulder as he goes.

"Watch it!" Sasuke grumbles irritably before grabbing his toothbrush and half-heartedly cleaning his teeth. When he exits the bathroom, he can hear Naruto muttering a mixture of equations and expletives from down the hallway. Sasuke simply shakes his head and heads back downstairs. To his surprise, Minato is waiting for him in the kitchen, leaning nonchalantly against the bar as if he's not already late for work.

"Sasuke, Kushina and I were talking and we think that maybe you should skip practice today."

"You're so tired," Kushina jumps in, hands clasped in front of her, almost nervously, "and a day off might help."

Glancing passively between them, Sasuke notes the worry pooling in both sets of blue eyes. "I can't. Coach won't let me."

"Naruto will tell your coach that you're sick," Minato says, "which you will be if you don't get some rest."

A shot of irritation shoots down his spine. They don't understand. It's not that he doesn't have time to rest. It's that he can't. "I'm fine."

Minato crosses his arms, his expression hardening sternly. "Sasuke, we know you boys are old enough to manage your own schedules, but it's our job to keep you both healthy and we think this is the best decision for today. It's either this or you don't play in the game on Friday."

Fists balling at his sides, Sasuke stares furiously down at the floor. They can't fix him. They're trying so hard but he's not fixable. Why don't they get that? "Fine," he mutters.

Minato nods once as he pushes himself off the counter. "Good. Have a good day at school."

The man kisses Kushina before striding out the door. Still staring at the floor, Sasuke scuffs his foot back and forth, avoiding Kushina's intent gaze.

"I have your lunch ready," she says gently, placing two brown bags on top of the bar. "There's an extra sandwich for your breakfast in there. Just peanut butter, no jelly."

Sasuke nods and grabs his sack off the counter before heading over to the backpack waiting for him by the door. He may have to miss football practice, but at least he doesn't have to miss school. He has some important business to conduct.

"Naruto!" Kushina's change in volume makes Sasuke wince. "You're gonna be late!"

Blocking out the sounds of Naruto's protests and Kushina's threats, Sasuke unzips the front pouch of his backpack and reaches a hand inside. There at the bottom, exactly where he placed it last night, sits two rubber-banded rolls of cash. Two-hundred dollars. How much oblivion can two-hundred dollars buy?

-O-

Rolling his shoulders back, Sasuke struggles to relax as he plods quietly around the side of the gym. A brisk autumn wind breezes across the cracked pavement of the abandoned ball courts, but drops of sweat still glide steadily down the back of his neck towards his already-soaked collar. His breath sounds hollow in his ears and he's sure that the entire school can hear his heart hammering against his ribs.

As he nears the corner, his pace slows and he swallows thickly. Never in a million years would he have imagined himself in this position. He's afraid to go on. He doesn't _want_ to go on. He wants to turn tail and run, pretending that he never set foot in this part of the school grounds, but what then? Where is there to go if he turns back? He can't stay trapped in the slowly sinking ship that is his life and drown everyone else with him.

He takes a deep breath. He has to do this. There's no other option. Clenching the roll of cash inside his pocket, he strides boldly around the corner and quickly pulls to a halt as five seniors turn to look his way.

"Hey, Uchiha." Kidomaru drawls, grinning around his mouthful of gum as he leans lazily against the gym wall. Jirobo, a hefty offensive lineman with wild tufts of orange hair stands beside him, while three emo-looking teenagers lounge across the pavement in front of them.

Taking in the unfocused, bloodshot eyes of the quarterback and his friends, Sasuke struggles not to wrinkle his nose at the skunk-like stench.

Jirobo crosses his meaty arms as he glares Sasuke down. "Whatchu' doin' here?"

Kidomaru waves a dismissive hand at him. "Don't worry. He's cool."

The girl of the group scowls at Sasuke from behind a curtain of flaming red bangs, her sleeveless black t-shirt showing off the tattoos winding up her arms. "Looks like a little snoop to me."

The two white-haired boys sitting beside her appear to be twins – anorexic-looking freaks adorned with studded leather jackets and dark blue lipstick.

One of them giggles. "Don't be such a downer, Tayuya."

The other looks the Uchiha up and down before asking blandly, "Isn't this the little brooding punk who lives with the Uzumaki?"

Ignoring them, Sasuke clenches his jaw as he keeps his eyes trained on Kidomaru. The quarterback's hand continues to flit listlessly back and forth as if swatting away invisible gnats. "Guys, guys. He's a friend of mine, right Uchiha?"

Sasuke shifts uncomfortably. The word friend sounds even worse coming from this freak than it does from Sakura. "I thought about your offer," he says, his voice clipped. "I've decided to take you up on it."

For a moment, Kidomaru narrows his eyes as if struggling to focus, then a slow grin spreads across his face. "Oh, yeah! I got you, man! How much you got?"

"Two-hundred," Sasuke says, deciding not to beat around the bush. He'll get as much as possible now and hopefully won't have to approach them again for a very long time.

"Let me see it."

"I'll give you a hundred now and a hundred when you deliver."

The quarterback shrugs. "Fair enough."

Before he can change his mind, Sasuke takes the roll out of his pocket and holds it out.

Grin still plastered on his face, Kidomaru stares blankly at the cash for a moment before finally taking it. "You'll have it by the end of the week, Uchiha!" The older boy salutes him with the money before stuffing it in his own pocket.

Sasuke simply nods, before turning stiffly and walking away.


	13. Chapter 13

" **Going somewhere?"**

 **My mother swallowed visibly. "I-I thought you'd gone out for-for the evening s-so I thought we'd go to the-the store."**

" **Really?" The look on my father's face was one of mild interest as he stepped inside and closed the door. "You were going grocery shopping at night?"**

 **Tugging on my hand, my mother pulled me slowly behind her. "W-well I need stuff f-for breakfast tomorrow."**

" **Didn't you go shopping yesterday?" Crossing his arms, he leaned back against the door.**

 **She took one hesitant step backwards, forcing me back as well. "I didn't…I didn't buy enough."**

" **So, you aren't angry that I hit the kid?"**

 **I felt her trembling fingers tighten on my hand, but I could no longer see her face.**

 **After a long moment of silence, my father nodded once. "Good, because I don't think the lesson was quite learned."**

 **My eyes widened as I watched him start to undo his belt. I tried to back away, but my mother's grip held me firmly in place.**

" **Mamma?"**

 **She cast me a terrified glance over her shoulder before turning back to him. "Please."**

 **His face darkened, his eyes narrowing on her as he pulled the long length of leather out of its loops. "Get out of my way before I thrash you too. Either way the kid gets it."**

 **My mother's hand trembled even harder, squeezing my knuckles together so hard that my eyes began to water.**

" **Think about it," he said, doubling the belt in his hand, "Who'll be able to take care of you two if you're too beat to move? I certainly won't be picking it up off the floor."**

 **After another frozen minute, my mother turned to me slowly, eyes already shining with tears. "Mamma loves you, baby," she said, breathlessly as they spilled onto her cheeks.**

 **Then she let go of my hand and stepped back.**

" **Mamma!" I reached for her, but a firm hand was already grasping the back of my collar.**

" **Now," my father said, "where were you really going?"**

 **I watched the tears stream down my mother's terrified face. "Th-the store."**

 **There was a sudden yank on my collar and I felt myself leave the floor. The injured side of my face crashed into the wall and the world spun around me as I crumpled to its base. I thought that my mother cried out, but the thrum in my head was so loud that I couldn't be sure.**

 **My father's yell was muffled but on instinct I curled into a ball, covering my head with my arms. A stunning pain glanced off my spine and a wave of nausea hit me. Although I could feel the hard floor beneath me, somehow it felt like I had lost it.**

" **Where were you going?!" the muffled yell came again and so did the belt. I clamped my teeth down on my lip to keep from crying out, but I could hear my own sobs echoing in my ears. Or were those my mother's?**

" **Where were you going?!"**


	14. Chapter 14

Sasuke watches the neighborhood sidewalk with bleary eyes as it disappears slowly beneath his feet. He feels nauseous, and knows it's more than just the exhaustion and the heavy September sun blazing down on the back of his neck. He's felt sick ever since his interaction with Kidomaru at lunch. His decision was supposed to make things better, but now his slowly-crumbling world feels like it's been hit by an asteroid.

 _By the end of the week_ , Kidomaru said. It's Tuesday. Can Sasuke even last that long before everything falls apart?

"Hey, Sasuke!"

Sasuke clenches his jaw as the cheerful voice grates on his consciousness. Of all the people he doesn't want to deal with this afternoon. Shifting the straps of his backpack more comfortably, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and continues on his way down the sidewalk.

He hears breathless panting and the patter of footsteps behind him until a flurry of pink rushes by. "Hey!" Sakura whirls to a stop in front of him. She smiles brightly, looping her thumbs under the straps of her bright purple backpack. "Did you get out of practice today too?"

"Yeah." Brushing past her he keeps walking. There's a long moment of silence, sparking a hope that she's given up, but after a sudden scuff of sneakers on cement, she falls into step beside him.

"S-sorry, I won't bother you…"

Too late.

"…but I w-was wondering if you knew when Naruto would be home?"

At this Sasuke stops and turns to fix her with a scathing stare. "Why?"

He watches her swallow thickly, eyes darting to the ground as she hides her crooked nose behind the drooping sleeves of her sweatshirt. "Um, b-because, I thought he-he might want to hang out."

Narrowing his eyes, he watches her squirm and a hot flash of fury shoots through him. He knows she has a crush on him. She watches him, takes advantage of every opportunity to talk to him or sit by him, probably whispers about him in the hallways just like every other girl in their sophomore class. The only difference is, none of them have been willing to use Naruto to get to him. Until now.

"Leave him alone," Sasuke says.

The brows over her nervous green eyes snap together in confusion. "What?"

Crossing his arms, he shoots her a dark glare. The idea of her manipulating Naruto makes his blood boil and he just can't take it anymore. "You're just using him to get to me, so cut it out."

"I…I'm not—"

"He's an idiot who's too naïve to see that not everyone is a nice person. Leave him out of your sordid game."

"G-game? I don't know what you're—"

"Stop lying!" he practically shouts, not caring if the whole neighborhood hears. "He thinks you're his friend and you're just playing with him!"

Her eyes alight with indignation. "I am his friend!"

Pulling himself up to his full height, he looms over her menacingly and that indignation melts into raw fear. "I said," he spits out between gritted teeth, "Leave. Him. Alone."

Eyes wide, open mouth covered with her sleeves, she takes a step back and her jade irises wash with tears. He can see her knobby knees trembling beneath her and has to bite back the temptation to apologize. He's not compromising anymore. No one asked this stupid little girl to interfere with his life and he sure isn't going to let her ruin his friend's either.

The tears brim and rush down her cheeks. Pink hair whips out behind her as she turns to sprint away with that awkward gait of hers.

Clenching his fists at his sides, Sasuke takes a deep breath as he watches her go. He's finally taking charge. His life has been spiraling out of control and that ends now.


	15. Chapter 15

" **Where were you going?" my father screamed again.**

 **More sobs from my mother.**

 **Another blow with the belt.**

" **Where?!"**

 **Sobs.**

 **Belt.**

 **My body jerked, but it was more reflexive than anything. I was already lost in the pain. It felt like I had laid there for hours. The screams, the cries, and even the belt itself had faded to nothing more than a shadow of consciousness.**

 **I was wrenched out of that consciousness when I was yanked up by the back of my shirt. My father dragged me to my feet, legs sagging uselessly beneath me as he held me by the collar.**

" **This is your last chance!" he yelled, shaking me for emphasis.**

 **I eyed the blurry image of my mother through my remaining good eye. She knelt, trembling in the middle of the room, fingers splayed across her blotchy cheeks. Fearful eyes perused my face – begging, pleading – for what I wasn't sure.**

" **Well?!" he demanded.**

" **S-store," she sobbed for probably the hundredth time.**

" **Tell me where!" he cried, shaking me again, so hard that my brain seemed to rattle against my skull.**

" **The store!"**

" **Tell me!"**

" **The store!"**

" **Fine!" His panting breath brushed against my neck for a few beats before he growled low in his throat. "Have it your way."**

 **I felt his grip tighten on my collar. I felt him tense and draw me back in preparation to throw me against the wall again. My mother closed her eyes, covering her mouth with both hands as more tears poured down her face. My heartbeat pounded against my eardrums. My stomach churned, sickeningly as I felt every searing stripe along my back.**

 **And suddenly, my world narrowed to the knowledge that I was in pain and I wanted it to end.**

" **Church!" I screamed.**

 **My father's arm paused with a jerk. My mother's eyes shot open to stare at me in terrified horror.**

" **What did you say?" he hissed in my ear.**

" **We were going to the church!" I cried, my limbs flailing uselessly.**

 **My mother's eyes continued to grow, sobs halted in her throat. Her gaze moved from me to my father as the whole world froze.**

 **The hand on my collar released, dropping me in a broken pile to the floor and my father lunged for my mother. Grasping her by the hair, he shook her violently. "You lying whore!" he yelled, his face taking on a scarlet hue.**

" **Please!" she screamed, grappling with the hand on her hair.**

" **I knew you would try to run away!" He slapped her hard across the face. "I knew it!"**

" **Please!"**

 **Another slap. My mother's head snapped to the side, eyes blank and dazed as she clawed helplessly against his arm.**

" **You ungrateful piece of…" He didn't finish the insult as he drew his arm back and flung her across the room. She stumbled back, arms spread like the terrifying angel that loomed over the cathedral. One swollen, panicked eye caught mine and my heart seized as she fell. A sickening crunch echoed through the apartment. Blood spurted across the counter and she crumpled to the floor like a bundle of rags.**

 **Silence dropped like a bomb, punctuated only by my father's panting as he stared down at her. My eyes followed the line of blood dripping slowly from the edge of the counter and down the face of the cabinets to where my mother lay. Her long hair had fallen gracelessly across her face like a curtain, hiding all but that one eye – drained of the fear, staring at me with the dull gaze of lifelessness.**

 **That gaze erased all sense of reality.**

 **I watched my father's fists twitch at his sides as I pushed myself carefully into a sitting position. The air around me felt heavy and distorted. My ears were ringing as something hammered dully against my skull. My gaze kept flitting towards the lifeless one on the floor. It sent my head spinning round and round as it peered into my soul.**

 **My father turned slowly towards me, his face drained of color. "You did this," he whispered.**

 **I felt fear squeeze at my heart as the floor tremored beneath his boots.**

" **You did this!" he cried. A thick, calloused hand wrapped around my arm and agony shot through me as I watched it snap.**


	16. Chapter 16

Sakura reaches the park before her knees practically buckle beneath her. Staggering over to a tree, she leans against it, heart hammering in her ears as she gulps in air. The image of a dark, furious face flashes before her eyes and she squeezes them shut, struggling to regain control over her trembling limbs.

It's ridiculous, she knows. Sasuke would probably never lay a hand on her, no matter how angry he was. Even if he did, what's the worst that would happen? A black eye maybe? Chiding herself harshly with this knowledge, she feels the more rational side of her brain take over and the panic slowly ebbs. Her lungs fill. Her wobbly legs solidify and the world steadies beneath her. Sniffing once, she swipes irritably at her wet cheeks. All of this just from a stupid boy with a temper. How pathetic. Taking a slow, shuddering breath, she releases it calmly and squares her shoulders.

She won't let him get to her. She won't.

Readjusting her backpack, she pushes away from the tree and starts to meander slowly towards the playground, mind mulling over her conversation (if it could be called that) with Sasuke. She annoys him. She's always annoyed him. That much is obvious, but what was it that made him snap?

 _You're just using him to get to me._ The accusation sends a white shot of fury down Sakura's spine. Mouth scrunched into a pout, she plops down on one of the swings and crosses her arms as the rusty chains creak in protest. How dare he say that she wasn't Naruto's friend.

Pushing the swing idly back and forth with her toes, Sakura fumes quietly for a few minutes before the steady beat of shrieks and laughter penetrates her senses. Lifting her eyes, she notices the mass of children swarming the playground like ants. The nearby elementary school must've just let out. As she watches three of them try to shove their way down the slide at one time, she smiles to herself, feeling the tension start to drain from her shoulders.

She takes another deep breath and the weight of anger starts to wash away, leaving only sympathy in its wake. Where is the resolve she had when she insisted to Naruto that she wanted to be Sasuke's friend? Does that declaration only count when Sasuke is tolerant of her?

Shaking her head, she grips the chains and dips back, stirring the swing into motion. Naruto said that Sasuke needed someone to push him. That means she has to be strong. If Sasuke's going to push her away, she has to push back twice as hard. Who cares if he likes her? Who cares if he thinks she's annoying? He needs a sharp slap of reality to stir him out of the darkness he seems to be drowning in.

After a few pumps, she points her toes as she soars elegantly through the air and back again. The swing's path is tilted because of the lack of strength in her left arm, but she doesn't care. Imperfect as it may be, she's flying and no one can stop her.

Not Sasuke. Not anyone. Next time she talks to him, she won't let herself be scared off. Next time, she'll be unbreakable.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey, Uchiha!"

Sasuke's shoulders tense as he looks up to see Kidomaru swaggering down the hallway. The quarterback has an easy grin on his face and hands stuffed in the pockets of his low-riding jeans.

"What does he want?" Naruto asks, crossing his arms as he glares at the approaching senior.

Sasuke simply grunts.

"How's it going, boys?" Kidomaru asks, popping his gum loudly.

"It _was_ going fine," Naruto replies icily.

The quarterback ignores him, keeping his grin directed at Sasuke. "I got a few plays to go over with you, Uchiha. Think we could meet after practice today?"

Sasuke feels a tremor travel down his arms and stuffs his hands quickly in his pockets. "Sure," he grunts, eyes shooting down towards the toes of his converse.

"Good. Same place as last time. Right after practice. Don't forget anything."

Sasuke nods, shuffling uncomfortably from one foot to the other. He jerks as Kidomaru claps him hard on the shoulder and continues on his way down the hallway. "See you later, Uchiha."

"What does he mean don't forget anything?" Naruto asks quietly.

Avoiding the curious, blue gaze, Sasuke shrugs. "He's just weird I guess."

"No arguments there," Naruto agrees, but Sasuke can still feel his friend watching him intently.

"We're gonna be late," Sasuke grumbles irritably and starts off towards their English class.

"Dude! I totally forgot about that paper we were supposed to write!"

Sasuke casts a critical eye at the blonde who's grabbing his head in a theatrical show of panic. "It's due tomorrow."

"Oh." Dropping his arms, Naruto grins at Sasuke sheepishly. "What's it about again?"

"Satire."

"What kind of tire?"

Sasuke doesn't even bother to roll his eyes. He's too busy thinking about his meeting with Kidomaru and the roll of cash weighing down his backpack like a ball of lead.

-O-

Ignoring the idle chatter of the players around him, Sasuke keeps Kidomaru in the corner of his eye as the Uchiha unlaces his cleats and tosses them into his bag. The quarterback has been chatting with a group of senior girls on the bleachers for a good fifteen minutes and shows no sign of budging.

"Come on, man!" Naruto almost shouts in Sasuke's ear, making him jump.

Sasuke turns to glare darkly at his friend who's standing over him with a duffel bag already thrown over his shoulder. "What's your problem?"

The blonde rolls his eyes. "Dude, you've been taking off your shoes for like an hour! Let's go throw our pads in the locker room so we can go home!"

"Just go without me," Sasuke says, narrowing his eyes at his own bag as if it's the enemy. "I have to meet with Kidomaru anyway."

"Football's the last thing on his mind right now," Naruto remarks wryly. "Just go over there and tell him that you need to get your meeting over with."

Sasuke keeps his eyes trained stubbornly on his bag. "I'm just gonna wait."

"Fine," Naruto groans dramatically, before heading off in the direction of the locker room. Sasuke pulls out a pair of flipflops and slips them on, still keeping Kidomaru in his line of vision while pretending to look through his bag.

As soon as the blonde rounds the corner, Sasuke sees Kidomaru rise and, after bidding the girls a flirtatious goodbye, head towards the gym.

Sasuke fiddles with his bag a bit more before rising slowly, his aching muscles protesting as he pulls his duffel over his shoulder, and strolling casually after the quarterback. Feeling his chest constrict beneath his pads, Sasuke forces himself to take a few heavy gulps of air as he listens to his pulse bang at the back of his skull. His eyes dart towards the propped door that leads to the locker room where groups of boys trickle steadily in and out. It's not too late. He'd be out a hundred but he could still turn around.

Clenching his sweaty fists, he grinds his teeth fiercely. No, he's already been over this a million times. He's taking back control of his life and this is the only way to do it.

Sasuke marches around the back of the gym to find Kidomaru standing at ease, pulling at the collar of his pads. The quarter back gives him a nod, blowing a bubble with his gum before popping it loudly. The sound makes Sasuke jerk with irritation.

"You got your money, Uchiha?" he asks with a smirk.

Sasuke unzips his bag and digs inside the inner pocket to find the worn bundle of his remaining cash. Holding it up, he narrows his eyes at the older boy. "Now show me the stuff."

"The 'stuff,' huh?" Kidomaru chuckles, "you want just any old 'stuff' or you want something specific?"

"Cut the crap," Sasuke growls, "Just give me what I paid for."

"Deposited," Kidomaru corrects loftily as he digs inside his own bag, "You haven't actually paid for it yet. There's a difference." He pulls out an envelope and tugs the edge of a plastic bag out far enough that Sasuke can see the white powder inside before quickly tucking it back in. "I got you the good stuff. Now, once you've _paid_ ," Kidomaru waves the envelope at him, "you can have it."

"Fine," Sasuke says, drawing his arm back to toss Kidomaru the cash.

"Sasuke!"

With a start, Sasuke whirls to find Naruto, still in his practice pads, standing behind him. The blonde's eyes are homed in on the envelope, mouth hanging agape as his expression wars between incredulity and fury.

Sasuke feels his heart drop into his stomach as the piercing blue gaze turns on him. "What the heck are you doing, man?" Naruto yells.

"Walk away, Uzumaki," Kidomaru's normally amused voice has dropped into a much colder tone. "This's none of your business."

Naruto's glare turns in the quarterback's direction. "Well I'm making it my business."

Kidomaru sneers. "Come on, Uchiha. You gonna let this little punk interfere?"

Sasuke's spine stiffens. He finds himself unable to meet Naruto's gaze and focuses on the ground instead. "Just go home," he mutters, clenching the roll of sweaty cash tightly in his fist.

"Sasuke—"

"Just go home!"

Kidomaru laughs. "See! No one wants you here. Now go away. I've got a business to run."

Glancing up, Sasuke sees Naruto glaring darkly at the quarterback once again. "I'm not going anywhere," he growls.

"Fine," Kidomaru says, "This doesn't change anything. Pay up, Uchiha."

"You try it and I'll scream," Naruto threatens, "I'll scream bloody murder like a little girl."

Unable to do anything except stare at Naruto's furiously determined face, Sasuke feels himself start to shake again. This wasn't supposed to happen. Why does Naruto have to butt into everything?

"I can scream really loud," Naruto warns, "The coaches are still on the field. I bet they even hear me in the locker room."

Sasuke stumbles back as Kidomaru pushes him aside to grab the front of Naruto's jersey. "You don't know who you're messing with," the older boy hisses.

Naruto doesn't flinch. "I'm messing with a guy who has a heck of a lot of scholarship money to lose if he gets busted for dealing."

The veins start to protrude from Kidomaru's reddening face as he seethes at Naruto's steely cool gaze. Sasuke feels his breath catch in his chest. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Finally, Kidomaru shoves Naruto at the wall. "This isn't over, Uzumaki," he snarls before stalking away towards the locker room.


	18. Chapter 18

Resting his head in his palm, Naruto stares distractedly down at his notebook, tapping his pencil roughly against the blank page as the lines blur before his eyes. This afternoon's events roll endlessly through his mind – the drugs, the look on Sasuke's face, Kidomaru's threat – every rerun chipping away at his immediate rage, leaving more and more despair in their wake.

Despair and uncertainty. What should he do now? If he doesn't say anything, Sasuke might destroy himself. If he does tell someone, he'll lose the Uchiha's trust and friendship.

But is there really any of that to lose at this point?

He feels the wood of the pencil crack between his fingers.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Naruto looks up from the bar to see his mother wielding the potato peeler with practiced ease. She meets his eyes with questioning concern, watching him as she so often watches Sasuke.

He bites his lip. He doesn't want to be yet another weight on his mother's mind. "Nothing."

She raises an eyebrow at him wryly. "You've been hitting that page with your pencil for 20 minutes and haven't written a word."

"I've got a title!" he insists defensively, pointing to the messy "Satire" scrawled across the top.

"Dear, if it took you 20 minutes to come up with that title, you should drop out now."

"Can I?"

"No. Now what's wrong? Both you and Sasuke are in a bad mood."

"How could you tell with him?" Naruto mumbles.

Kushina starts to slice the potatoes into a pot of water. Each chunk drops in with a pleasant plop that echoes through the quiet house. "Was it something at practice?"

"Kinda," he says, trying not to sound evasive. Kushina doesn't tolerate evasion.

True to form, she continues to watch her son with those piercing navy eyes until he finally looks back down at his notebook. "It's just that…" he continues, mind grappling for some form of the truth that won't reveal too much, "…Sasuke's kinda been hanging out with some sketchy guys on the team."

"Sketchy how?"

"They're just into some kinda bad stuff."

"I see." Finished slicing the potatoes, Kushina wipes her hands on her apron. "And is Sasuke involved in any of this?"

Naruto shakes his head, not trusting himself to say the lie out loud.

"You're just worried that he might get sucked in."

Naruto feels the pressure start to build behind his eyes. He wants to tell her. He's only had this secret for a couple of hours and already he wants to scream. But what good would come of it? Sasuke would hate him and would probably fight even harder against any sort of help.

Thinning her lips, Kushina blows out a long, slow breath before skirting the bar and taking a seat next to her son. "Naruto, look at me."

He obeys, the pressure turning into a headache as he struggles to keep the tears at bay.

She smiles gently at him. "Son, I want you to know that we are so, so proud of you and the friend you've been to Sasuke," she says, softly, "Your father and I love how much you care about him and you've made him feel a part of our family in ways that we never could, but you also need to understand that Sasuke isn't your responsibility."

Pursing his lips, Naruto looks down at his notebook again. She doesn't know. It's already too late. He's already been thrown into Sasuke's mess without a clue of how to drag them both out.

"Your father and I know that Sasuke needs more help. We've been talking to some therapists and some support groups, trying to figure out what would be best for him, but that's our job. Not yours."

Her pale, slender fingers slide over his own and squeeze his hand lightly. "We want both of our boys to be happy," she tells him. "Sasuke's already burdened by his past. Please don't you be burdened by it too."

Naruto stares down at the notebook for a long time, fiddling with its frayed edge as he listens to the bubbling of the potatoes in the pot. "He's not my responsibility," he finally murmurs, "he's my friend."

He can feel Kushina smiling against his cheek as she pulls him in for a hug. "That's as it should be."

His fingers fist in the back of her shirt as the sweet scent of flour and vanilla calm his raging thoughts. Sasuke is his friend. Friends aren't your burden, but your battle. He can fight for Sasuke without getting caught in the darkness himself.

With one final squeeze, Kushina releases him and slides off the bar stool. "Now," she says, returning to her potatoes in a no-nonsense manner. "Go tell your father and Sasuke to come down for dinner. You guys can set the table while I finish up.

Hoping off his own stool, Naruto skates on his socks over to the stairs.

"I said _go_ tell them," Kushina reprimands sharply as Naruto opens his mouth to yell, "Not to split my ear drums from down here."

Naruto shoots her a pouty look before padding up the stairs. Sticking his head inside his father's office, he finds the man at his computer. "Dinner!" he announces.

"Thanks, son."

Returning his father's smile half-heartedly, he continues down the hallway, eyeing Sasuke's closed door with apprehension. He pauses outside, taking a deep breath before turning the knob.

Sasuke is lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He looks up when Naruto walks in, tugging the earbuds out of his ears as he props himself up on his elbows.

"It's dinner time," Naruto tells him, scanning the Uchiha's passive face for any sign of emotion.

"I'm not hungry," Sasuke replies quietly.

"Well you know Mom's rules. Even if you're not hungry, you still have to sit at the table."

Sasuke's gaze slides down into his lap. "Tell her I don't feel good."

Naruto watches him for a moment. "Is it true?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then." Naruto starts to leave.

"Are you going to tell them?" Sasuke blurts out.

The blonde turns to see Sasuke's dark eyes filled with quiet desperation. Naruto wants to believe that this fear is grounded in more than just a desire to stay out of trouble. He wants to believe that Sasuke wants to keep from hurting their parents just as much as Naruto himself.

"No," Naruto says, finally.

Sasuke's expression floods with relief.

"But," he continues and Sasuke's face immediately tenses again, "you can't do anything like this ever again."

"It's my life," Sasuke tells him with a scowl.

Naruto feels that afternoon's anger return like a tidal wave. Shoving the door shut behind him, he stalks over to Sasuke's bed and glares down at his friend. "No. It's not," he snaps, "Your life affects everyone around you. Don't you see that?"

"It doesn't have to!" Sasuke thrusts himself to his feet to meet Naruto's glare eye to eye. "I never asked for this!"

"Well you've got it anyway!" Naruto struggles to swallow his anger. "I'm not going to tell my parents this time, but I'm not just gonna sit by and let you ruin your life either."

"You're not my babysitter!"

A grim smile tugs at the edge of Naruto's lips as he considers the irony of his recent revelation. "No, I'm your friend."

Sasuke takes a step back. "Kidomaru won't let this go," he says, his voice tremoring slightly.

The thought that Sasuke might actually be afraid for him, melts the rest of Naruto's resentment. He shrugs casually. "Well I have a grudge against him too."

Sasuke shakes his head as he runs an agitated hand through his hair. "You…you don't know who you're dealing with. Just stay out of it."

"No can do," Naruto says almost cheerfully as he turns to head out the door. "I'll tell Mom to save you some dinner."

-O-

Naruto rolls back and forth in his bed, throwing his covers off one moment, then pulling them back the next. He adjusts his pillows, flipping from his side, to his stomach, then back again. No matter how heavy the weight of exhaustion tugs at his body, his mind just won't settle enough for him to sleep.

Even if he's sure about his decision to keep Sasuke's secret, he still feels like a coke bottle that's been shaken to the point of erupting. It feels like too much and fears about Kidomaru continue to creep further and further into his thoughts. Contrary to Sasuke's belief, Naruto actually does know who he's dealing with. He knows that behind the quarterback's easygoing façade lies a vicious, vengeful bully who deep down is probably terrified of the burly men in leather jackets and ghoulish tattoos who pass him his drugs each week.

Swallowing thickly, Naruto glances over at the phone on his bedside table. He has to say something to someone or he swears he's going to explode.

Before he can change his mind, he grabs the phone, wincing at the bright backlight as he unlocks it and starts to scroll through his contacts. Most of them are guys from the football team. Good friends, but no one he cares to confide in. He scrolls through name after name, quickly dismissing all of them, and as he swipes his thumb towards the end of the list, self-deprecation starts to settle in. No one would care to hear about his problems and even if he told them, they might start to get curious and start asking questions about Sasuke.

He's about to give up, but as he glances over the S's, one name catches his eye. _Sakura._

She's already involved, or at least sort of aware of Sasuke's situation. He would never betray Sasuke's trust by telling her the whole story, but she would understand how he's feeling.

Tapping her name, he opens up his texting app and quickly types out a message. He scans it carefully, biting his lip as his thumb hovers over the send button.

His hand starts to tremble with repressed tension. He needs to do this. He can't handle this alone. He won't spill his guts but he needs to open up just a crack to relieve some of the pressure.

Before he can think about it anymore, he hits the send button and the message pops up in a little bubble on the screen. _Have u ever been afraid of something?_

Dropping his phone back onto the bed, he scrubs a hand down his face. Even if she doesn't see the text until morning, he already feels better. He's not alone. He doesn't have to fight this by himself.

He almost jumps when his phone pings loudly. Patting along his covers for the discarded phone, he whips the screen up in front of his face and is surprised to see a text from Sakura. _All the time. What r u afraid of?_

He hesitates before returning her message. _Im afraid for Sasuke. And me too i guess._

She replies again within moments. _That makes sense. I hope u wont let him drag u down tho. U have a life 2 u know._

Naruto smiles at how closely her words mirror his mother's. _Ill try. BTW why are u still up?_ Now that he feels better, he'd rather direct the conversation away from Sasuke.

Sakura: _Couldnt sleep._

Naruto: _Me either._

Sakura. _Clearly. How are u gonna play tomorrow if u dont get sleep?_

Naruto: _Its an easy game._

Sakura: _Dont get cocky. Thats how u lose._

Naruto continues to text Sakura back and forth until he starts to drift off to sleep, phone still clutched loosely in his hand.


	19. Chapter 19

**I'd heard that there were five senses: touch, smell, hearing, taste, and sight.**

 **The hard linoleum beneath me had long since numbed any sense of touch as I lay motionless on my side.**

 **The crushed cartilage in my nose was too engorged with dried blood to allow any scent through.**

 **My ears were ringing. Not loudly, just a soft, steady, high-pitched hum that seemed to block out any other sounds.**

 **My mouth was nothing more than a limp mass of tasteless, parched flesh where** **my unsteady breath shuddered in and out.**

 **But I could still see, even if it was blurred and only from one eye.**

 **The first thing my eye caught was a fly, skittering across my skin. It would stop, rub its tiny front legs to its face, then continue on, weaving back and forth as if in search of something.**

 **Beneath its scampering limbs was my arm, lying limply across the floor in front of me. I knew it was my arm, but it didn't look like an arm, at least any arm I'd ever seen. There was another joint in between the wrist and the elbow, a bend that shouldn't be there. The swollen skin was stretched taught and streaked with sickish hues of green and purple.**

 **Next to the arm was the linoleum I was lying on. I traced the crisscrossed patterns of fake, yellowish tiles until they ended abruptly in a corner formed by the tub and the wall.**

 **The tub's surface was made of shiny, chipped ceramic, which held a gentle reflection of the single bulb that I knew hung over the sink. The wall was dull, grey plaster, peeling in many places, with a long, rusty-looking streak oozing down its surface.**

 **I followed the streak up to where a tendril of hair was stuck to the plaster, its normally rich color thoroughly coated in that same color of rust. The head attached to the hair leaned lifelessly against the wall, its flat, glassy eyes staring blankly out of a sheet-white face down at the bathroom floor. Blue lips hung slightly ajar, elongating its hollow cheeks.**

 **Although the body was slouched low in the tub, I could still see the top of my mother's once-black, now-grey jacket engulfing its bony frame. The shoulder was splattered with dark stains that would never come out.**

 **My eyes darted back to the fly.**

 **I'd heard that there were five senses. Why could I only escape from four?**


	20. Chapter 20

_Blood. His mother's sightless eyes. The stains that would never wash off._

Sasuke's eyes flutter open as he wakes quietly from his nightmare. Some of them are terrifyingly real, while this one was more serenely horrifying – a mirror of the past too distorted to be a memory but too haunting to be just a dream.

 _Blood._

Swiping a hand down his sweaty face, the teen rolls over to face the window where the blinds bump gently against the sill to the tune of a chilled breeze. He pulls them aside, taking only a quick glance at the pale horizon before shoving the covers aside and launching himself out of bed. He tugs a hoodie on over his t-shirt and swipes his running shoes and iPod off the floor before slipping silently out of his bedroom and down the hallway.

 _His mother's sightless eyes._

The carpeted stairs creak quietly beneath his unsteady feet. He glances nervously towards Minato and Kushina's open door, but the room remains dark and silent. Taking a careful seat at the bottom of the steps, he quickly laces up his sneakers before heading outside. The morning air is crisp, the breeze making him shiver as it sweeps under his hoodie. Shoving in his earbuds, he starts to jog down the sidewalk as he scrolls through his iPod.

 _The stains that would never wash off._

The cold begins to bite at his fingertips. Sasuke quickly clicks on one of his workout playlists before dropping the iPod into his pocket. Hands fisted inside the sleeves of his hoodie, he starts to pump his arms, lengthening his stride until the sidewalk cracks are blurring past at a pace too fast to hold for his five-mile loop.

 _Blood._

-O-

Sasuke coughs harshly, coasting to a stop as cold, dry air rushes into his starving lungs. Clearing the thick saliva from his throat, he spits it into the grass as his wobbly legs take him towards the water fountain. With a grunt of annoyance, he tugs the earbuds out of his head and winds them around his iPod before shoving both back in his pocket. The thing died less than a mile in anyway. He spent most of his run listening to nothing but the hollow sound of his breath and the slap of his shoes against the pavement.

His hand is already heading towards the fountain's switch before he remembers that it's been shut off. Cursing under his breath, he turns his face up to look at the sky as his chest continues to heave. The early morning sun is hidden behind a thin spread of clouds, casting a gloomy pall over the quiet streets. Today of all days, he almost wishes there was school. As much as he hates the endless, purposeless chatter of his fellow classmates, he'd rather drown in that than this empty silence.

"Hello."

As Sasuke whirls to glare at the small, pink-haired girl wearing ridiculously colorful sweats, he immediately regrets his wish. Now silence seems like bliss.

"What do you want?" he growls and watches her friendly expression waver.

Eyes shooting towards the ground, she begins to fiddle with the edge of her sweatshirt. "I-I just thought that we didn't really finish our conversation on Tuesday."

"It wasn't a conversation and yes we did," he snaps.

A muscles flexes in her jaw as she lifts her gaze to meet his. "No, we didn't," she says, slowly. "You should know that I'm not friends with Naruto just to get to you and I'm not gonna stop being his friend just because you said so."

Sasuke takes a menacing step towards her and she flinches, squeezing her eyes shut as she raises her hands in front of her face. If he can make her cry again, she'll leave. She'll turn and run and leave him alone. He growls low in his throat, "Why you little—"

"And I'm not gonna let you scare me anymore!" she blurts out, although her declaration is blunted by her trembling posture. Slowly lowering her arms, she straightens and looks him unsteadily in the eye. "I-I'm not gonna run away crying this time."

Sasuke bounces between relief at the lack of tears and frustration at his failure. "Fine," he spits out. "Don't cry. But leave me alone!"

Biting her lip, she nods slowly. "I-I will. If that's what you want, b-but I have to tell you something first."

Sasuke can hear the breath flaring in and out of his nostrils as he glares her down with hands fisted at his sides.

She swallows visibly. "L-Look, I-I am Naruto's friend and because of that I know that you're worrying him. If you care about him, you…you'll get yourself some help."

Sasuke's eyes round in horror as he feels his chest compress. "What did he tell you?" he breathes.

Sakura's eyes turn pleading as she shuffles forward. "Only that he's scared. He wouldn't tell me what it was about but I know it has to do with you!"

Sasuke feels his hands start to tremble as a shot of cold fear douses him. Sakura has it all wrong. Naruto's not afraid for him. The blonde is afraid of Kidomaru, just as he should be. This is all Sasuke's fault. He's ruining Naruto's life. That idiot cares about him so much that he's suffocating in it.

Biting her lip, Sakura takes another careful step forward. "Look, I know that you think—"

"How would you know what I think?!" Sasuke practically screams, his fear erupting into rage.

She jumps, eyes widening as she starts to retreat.

He darkens his glare remorselessly. "Just go back to your perfect, happy little world and leave me alone!"

Even beneath her baggy sweats, he can see her legs trembling as she edges away from him. She looks like a terrified rabbit, ready to bolt. He takes another threatening step towards her, expecting her to scamper off, but instead she simply freezes, staring back at him with eyes the size of saucers as she clearly battles her fears.

"Y-your right," she says, her hands fiddling nervously, "m-my life is perfect. I go to a nice school. I-I live in a nice place. I have a wonderful family." She takes a deep breath, cramming her eyes shut as she blurts out the next sentence. "And I don't know what your past has been like, but you have all that too!"

Now it's Sasuke's turn to freeze, his fury blazing into a full-blown inferno. "They're not my family!" he roars. Can't she see? That's the problem. If they were his family, he wouldn't be so screwed up.

Green eyes snap open sharply, finally returning his glare. "You're right," she says, hands balling into tiny, angry fists. "They're not your family. If they were your family you wouldn't treat them this way!"

Sasuke takes a step back, surprised at the anger she seems to have mustered. "What do you know about it?" he bites back.

"I know that you're scaring the best friend you'll ever have! A bad past is never an excuse to ruin a happy future and it definitely isn't an excuse to drag others down with you!"

"I didn't ask anyone to go down with me!"

"Well it's happening whether you like it or not!" Chest heaving, she glares at him for a few more beats. "You're not the only one with problems," she tells him, her furious expression smoothing as her tone gentles, "and creating more to go around won't solve the ones you have." The corner of her mouth slides up. "I'm paraphrasing from my mom's inspirational quotes calendar."

He stares at her incredulously as fear and fury continue to chase each other around his paralyzed brain. The damage with Kidomaru has already been done. If Sasuke felt helpless before, he now feels completely and utterly powerless, floundering out in the open sea. He tried to fix things and he's only made them worse.

He wants to grab Sakura and shake her. He wants to scream at her that he only did this for the Uzumakis in the first place, that he only wanted to drown his pain so that it wouldn't hurt them so much. The declaration is festering under his skin, ready to erupt if he'll only open his mouth.

But he can't do that. Not to anyone. Especially not to her.

Clamping his mouth shut, he turns on his heel and stalks away, narrowing his vision determinedly on the sidewalk that will lead him home. His plan with Kidomaru failed. Now he only has one option – to minimize the damage.

Somehow he has to pacify the quarterback, somehow that will make Naruto never want to interfere again.


	21. Chapter 21

**The luke-warm water tasted beyond sweet. I gulped at it desperately, banging my teeth against the bathroom faucet as I tried to slurp up each drop. Finally out of breath, I slumped over the counter, panting heavily as my useless arm trembled at my side. I trained my gaze downward, focusing religiously on my warped reflection circling the drain. There was nothing else in this bathroom worth looking at.**

 **As soon as I caught my breath, I went at it again, guzzling until my stomach felt like a balloon near to bursting. Then, using my good arm to support myself on the counter, I slowly lowered myself back onto the linoleum. The breath caught in my chest, as the stain on the wall edged into the corner of my vision, but I quickly turned my back on the bathtub, shuffling on my knees to crawl behind the cabinet. I propped myself against the wall, safely wedged between the cabinet and the closed door as I stared listlessly at the wall across from me. How long had I been here? Did it even matter?**

 **My head started to dip towards my knees, exhaustion tugging at my eyelids. Maybe this time when I fell asleep, I would simply drift off into another world, a world of endless, meaningless dreams where I could wander aimlessly through nowhere with no one.**

 **The doorknob twitched and my head snapped up, heart fluttering like a caged bird as I watched the door swing towards me. I pressed myself hard against the wall, jumping as the door hit the edge of the poorly-positioned counter, trapping me in my corner. Familiar heavy boots plodded past me until they stopped in front of the bathtub.**

 **My lungs constricted. I felt the presence as if it were squeezing my neck instead of standing across the room. I heard a long, drawn-out rustling of plastic, some muttered curses, then silence fell. The air grew thick with apprehension and hesitation, thrumming with the beats of an invisible clock.**

 **Tick…tick…tick…tick…**

 **More rustling. A few heavy breaths.**

 **Tick…tick…tick…tick…**

 **A sudden grating noise screeched painfully through my skull. My mind screamed to identify it, conjuring up sights and smells of the butcher's shop on 23** **rd** **street where my mother used to take me twice a year to buy a ham bone for Christmas and Easter. While my memory reviewed the horrified fascination of watching bone severed and muscle bisected, the rest of my body seemed to heave in protest. Clapping my good hand over my mouth, I demanded my stomach not to retch.**

 **I hated this alien, yet familiar sound. More than I had hated anything else before.**

 **My eyes traced the swirled patterns on the wooden door, round and round like a spinning top, until at last the grating stopped. There was a crack that hit me like a wave of nausea, a curse, and then finally a thump and more rustling of plastic.**

 **Then the whole process started over again. The grating. The butcher shop. Eyes spinning round and round. Crack. Curse. Thump. Plastic.**

 **The boots retraced their steps, the door sweeping closed behind them and then clicking as the lock dropped back into place.**

 **I remained frozen, my shallow breaths echoing through the room as my widened eyes protruded sightlessly from my skull. My brain was sure that there was a pattered trail of greyish, rusty liquid dribbled across the floor in front of me, but my eyes absolutely refused to see it. Like a child in a dream, with an urgent desperation to know but a pervading terror of the truth, I felt my body lean around the cabinet, pupils tracking the trail of fluid without truly acknowledging its presence. It led across the floor to the base of the bathtub and then up over the ceramic rim to its source, which was so glaringly obvious that even my eyes couldn't possibly protest the sight.**

 **As I leaned back behind the counter once again, I felt my mind retreat back into itself as a shot of agony pulsed through my broken arm. The pain consumed me, fighting back my consciousness until only one thought remained.**

" **Do you want my arm?" I wondered who was forming words with my cracked lips. "It hurts so bad. I don't want it any more. Do you want my arm? You should take it. You don't have any anymore."**

* * *

 _A/N So sorry for this ridiculously long delay but life got in the way. Also, I went back and did a lot of editing and revamping of the story so I would suggest a re-read if you're up for it. You might have noticed that I changed the name to the story, yet again. Thank you guys so much for being so patient while I play with this thing and try to shape it into my original vision. As always God bless and please review!_


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